oinkoink

2009-09-21T19:58:00.000-07:00

thr goes darling bk to his camp again..

wondering when de next tiem i will c hin..

all alone again...

2009-09-17T18:34:00.000-07:00

back from malaysia..

the trip to malaysia is fun.. but tiring..

shall update when free..

hai coming bk simply make me moody.. it jus remind me of my illness.. lonliness soon again...

2009-08-19T03:57:00.000-07:00

today at work sux.. duno wad happening to me.. my mind jus nt in place.. argz..

n therefore i get poke my needle 2 time n cut by paper one time.. n one of the needle is from infection case.. well.. i use de needle on eqip.. hope thr is no blood on the equip.. hai..

n thr i go.. working with 3 plaster on my finger..

esp tt one tt is infection case one damn pain.. nid poke too hard.. argz..

hai..

cheryl is starting to close the door of hers to ppl .. she is trying not to.. but her tinking n heart jus start to close bit by bit.. she is scared wad she will do if she realli close..

cheryl tries to b happy n find someting interest.. but somehw.. thr isnt anyting tt is interesting to divert her attention.. n tt is one of the symptoms of depress "wad use to interest u.. doesnt seem to interest u anymore".. hai.. tryin all her means to divert her attention .. tts y she is slping so damn early when she gt nth do.. but she will wake up early too.. haiii..

god.. tell me wad to do.. plz..

2009-08-10T18:24:00.000-07:00

cheryl is tryin to b happy..

but its jus so diff with her illness..

she hope she can slp.. but every night she had nightmare.. slpless for few day..

2009-08-08T07:48:00.001-07:00

death occur in cheryl's mind alot alot of time.. n whenever she has the tot.. she will alway tell herself.. i cznt.. cox darling will be sad.. i miss cing him.. n each time tt tot occur i will tell myself i hav to live in order to c him once every wk.,..

cheryl hate her illness she reali hate.. esp when tings trigger off tt feeling.. esp when tings trigger off her emotion.. esp when ting trigger off her tense.. she would jus cry n cry non-stop..

cheryl feel so hard to control her emotion.. she jus hate it...

everytime when tings happen when her tense n her feeling come... she will find ppl.. making her feel tt she is nt alone.. but sometime finding ppl make her even feel worst..

i hate my illness i jus hate it.. no matter hw hard i try to control my emotion.. thr r tings sure trigger it off..

cheryl duno hw long her tinking.. her motivation will last .. she realli duno...

cryin like hell now.. but nw she wish to find no one.. n she hate ppl talkin sarcastically to her.. even though she knoew its her fault.. i jus hate my illness..

2009-08-04T18:08:00.001-07:00

thr goes darling to field camp tmr.. slpless night...

tried to slp bk without tinking anyting.. but i jus feel so tense.. my heart jus pump so fast.. try to breathe in n out but i jus cant slp back..

off on sat wasted haii..

its so suffering.. i hate the feeling.. i wan to b okie.. i realli wan.. sometime i jus feel like dying.. i hate tt feeling...

i wan slp.. i realli wan ...

wake up cryin again today..

hw long more can i take it?

2009-08-03T17:34:00.001-07:00

thr go darling to his field camp again from thurs to sat.. i was still very happy tt i got my sat off.. can meet darling go out play.. but now all the hopes r gone.. so wad i have my sat off.. darling bookin out at night.. sat all alone again..

n sun i m working afternoon.. n mon daring bookin in.. so wad i hav my sat off..

cheryl jus feel depress easily.. cox of her illness..

n recently she been having sleepless night.. no matter wad time she slp .. she jus will wake up at 5+ n she cant slp bk.. she will feel tense..

the med make her wanna puke.. losing her appetite.. i m so sick n tired of it..

missing my darling.. my sat is gone.. i wish i wun hav my sat off tis wk.. i wish i hav work.. to occupied myseld.. i wish i wish i wish....

happy 4th mth to my darling.... i m havin off..

i hate my illness.. cheryl realli feel suffering.. she is tryin to do everyting she can to occupied her mind..

but she jus cant concentrate on her work.. to the extend tt she even acc poke herself with needle.. hai...

2009-07-30T06:57:00.000-07:00

today thurs..

went to c a doc.. n she said i might be having anxiety disorder n mild depression..

cheryl is scared..

she tryin to fake her smile after cing doc n she succeed..

cheryl is realli scared..

hw i wish darling is beside me now.. hw i wish i have darling to talk to.. cheryl got alot alot alot of tings n feeling to say..

hw i wish darling is beside me now.. cheryl realli nid someone to hug n cry.. i realli miss u..

cheryl now dun like work dun like b alone.. but somehw she rather go work den bein alone..

cing doc again in 3 wks time but she scared.. n tis time rd she is gg alone.. cox she knew forever she cant hav ppl acc her.. she knew forever darling cant b acc her..

i realli miss u..darling.. i realli hope u r here for me to hug n cry...

cheryl realli nid someone to let her hug n cry...

when den i can hear frm u darling..

fear..

the med she eat.. make her feel like puking now.. hai .. again...

2009-07-29T03:29:00.000-07:00

today is wed.. n thr goes darling 3rd day in army..

sry darling.. cheryl fail today.. cheryl has been tryin hard to b strong for the past few days n she did.. succeed for 3 days without crying..

n today.. cheryl failed.. hw i wish my darling was here to talk to me .. to hear me talk.. to let me cry to..

cheryl feel so lonely.. so lost.. tt she jus wanna cry..

tmr cing doctor.. but cheryl feels scared... she wanted to c a doc but she feel scared.. dun tink tt she feel comfortable saying out tings infront of a stranger..

cheryl suceed in keeping herself in gd status for 3 day.. but she jus failed today... she jus so wanna be alone nw.. so she off her hp.. cox she dun wanna disturb ppl .. de onli way to does tt is to off her hp n keep herself away frm others.. i m realli nt feeling alright..

guess today cheryl should jus force herself to slp early but den she will wake up early if she does so.. n she fear wad will her feeling be like when she wake up tmr..

cheryl so wanna go for drink.. tinking should she sneak out of the hse at night when her parent r slping to go drink.. realli realli realli feel like...

everyday cheryl will jus look at the sky.. tinking wads darling is doin now... is darling okie.. is he xing ku in the forest.. bcox she totally has no idea hw he is doin.. worrying does nt help.. the onli ting tt she could do is jus to wait till fri or sat.. cox she dun even noe when darling bookin out..

looking at the sky outside now.. tinking wad is he doin.. worrying tt his rashes may get worst.. doc say is fungal infection.. all she can do is jus to look at the sky n tinking wad is he doin.. n wondering hw is he...

so wanted to travel.. but can she? she noe she will enjoy herself n be happy when she travel.. but darling in army.. dun even noe can travel nt.. hai if nt wrong muz sign someting.. well.. i guess i jus better dun put too much hope..

realli nt feeling okie.. should i go for a drink ltr? but i noe my gastic dun allow.. hmmm..but i realli wanna...

2009-07-27T18:51:00.000-07:00

today tues .. my darling 3rd day in field camp..

cheryl successfully din cry for 2 days.. cox she control.. n guess i m too tired...

hai my preceptor jus msg me say she off today.. ahhhh... all da best to me.. haha... well hope i dun get too stress up..

waiting till fri.. wondering my darling bookin out fri or sat...

2009-07-26T05:34:00.000-07:00

thr goes my darling to his field camp for a wk..

a wk uncontable cox his sergent keep his phone..

wondering hw is he inside n is it suffering?

now i now de feeling of realli missing..

finally goin c doc on thurs.. glad n yet sad cox darling cant acc me.. but its ok i dun blame him..

promise darling i got to b strong.. n so cheryl tryin nw to cry... tinking mayb she should get sleeping pill.. haha so tt she can slp when she gt nth to do hmm..

now the onli ting cheryl can find to motivate her.. is comin sat n her trip to oversea with darling on her annual leave.. tinking whether her parent will allow.. whenever i tink of tis ting.. it jus make me happy.. nt realli happy.. as in.. finally tt is someting i can realli enjoy.. hopefully her parent will let her go oversea.. she realli wan to relax.. realli realli realli...

2009-07-20T03:08:00.000-07:00

feeling lonely with no darling n friends around.. friends r busy.. darling in army..

missing my darling realli lots..

been tinking of days whr me n darling was tgt.. the place tt we go.. the tings tt we do.. days when we were even tgt.. tears jus drip.. i realli miss my darling..

days wif darling dun hav to be fun to b happy.. i jus feel happy when i m wif darling.. though thr might b quarrels...

i realli miss darling.. cing doc next tues if thr is appt.. well.. but darling will b in camp .. one wk without contact..

cheryl jus feel lonely.. without frends without darling..

every1 is jus so busy..

cheryl jus wanna say:
darling i love u lots.. i realli miss my darling.. well he is bookin out this fri n book in this sat.. n the out in the forest he go .. uncontactable for the wk.. lookin toward fri? i dun even look towards at all.. alr feel lonely.. n nw.. cant even contact darling.. i jus gt no one to talk to..

cheryl wana say thanks to her friends esp von.. tryin to help her thanks lot..

cheryl wanted most is to go oversea with darling.. but she doubt she can if jus onli the 2 of them.. so she hope sept she can hav...

i realli hate my illness.. wanting to c doc.. but....

cheryl jus cry everyday..

2009-07-19T04:16:00.000-07:00

fear n stress tt no one noe nor understand..

thurs.. a day tt i hope it will come soon n also a day tt i hope it wun ever come..

hope it will come soon is cox darling will be booking out on fri if nt wrong..but also useless cox i working afternoon on sat n morning on sun..but better den nth n hope it doesnt come is cox i got scan n also darling field camp starting on the 26th till 31th .. uncontactable for a wk..

scan.. whu noe wad may happen after tt.. may be i will b hospitalize again.. trying to tink it possive.. tryin to tink it might nt be.. but i hav history of it.. so higher risk i might hav it again..

i wish darling could acc me to the scan but i knew tt is no chance at all tt my wish will come true.. bcox i knew it is impossible.. totally impossible..

beem hospitalize for 2 day 1 night.. pain tt is so so pain tt even cannulation is nth to me.. i dun feel tt pain at all.. wishing darling was thr but i knew its impossible.. told myself i hav to b brave n go through all tis.. bring me for all those x ray n scan.. 2 extra 2 scan.. with doctor telling me suspect gall bladder stone.. renal prob.. n i told myself i hav to b brave.. de result show tt everyting normal.. n thurs i m goin another scan again..

in hospital.. afternoon i was left alone cox my parent r busy.. i told myself i hav to b brave.. so thr i go.. goin for de scan everyting alone.. being left alone... forcing myself to slp to kick those boredom away.. to prevent myself frm tinking..

thurs... i m scared.. realli scared... crying bcox i jus cant kick tt fear away frm me..

yest went NDP with von cf n darling... cox von gt 4 tix..

n they got tis balloon making tt i like.. n darling knew i like it.. so hw bluff us he is gg toilet.. n he went to take one for me n von.. n he knew i like purple.. so he went to alot of ppl in order to get a purple one for me.. so sweet of him..

i knew he mayb irresposbile at time.. i noe ppl may dun like him..

mentally unstable.. n nw this.. i m tired of life.. fear n stress is all i feel.. been a sick baby since young.. went hospital 3 time to stay n duno hw many other times to c doc..

exam on tues.. haven study.. n yet everyting make me so hard to concentrate..

darling field camp for a wk.. 1wk cant contact at all.. lonely .. wondering can i survive?

fearful.. fear nw is more den stress..

2009-07-16T04:28:00.000-07:00

cheryl is nw at hospital.. admitted.. hai so borefd

luckily my sis bring lappie here..

i m missing darling.. hw i wish he can b here next to me.. n acc me..

but cheryl din cry cox he is nt here.. she wanna b brave even though no one free to acc her in hospital .. but she has her bolt..

missing darling

2009-07-13T20:10:00.001-07:00

normal?

jus wad is normal in cheryl world?

she jus dun feel normal..

cheryl wnana upload her elmo photo here.. but it jus cant send to my com.. argz...

2009-07-08T19:03:00.001-07:00

happy 3rd month anni..

is belated though haha..

shall update more next time..

hai .. nt feeling well again.. tt feeling come bk..
docdoc.. when m i free to c ..

2009-07-07T08:21:00.000-07:00

sometime i jus cant help tinking.. y me n von is the one doin most of the ting in the clique.. whrby sometime ppl dun even appreciate..

or should i say whereby none even offer to help..

so i should call this friends?

if ppl r busy? den arent we 2 busy too?

while i m even working shift work?..

n plz stop pissing me off.. u noe whu u r.. i m busy wif work n i m tired out..

n nw i m here doin someting.. WHR NO ONE EVEN SUGGEST IT AT ALL OR OFFER TO HELP..

but nvm at least i do it frm my heart ..

2009-07-03T05:57:00.000-07:00

hai work is getting more n more busy ..

yest morning was super busy... i realli dun like morning shift.. although onli got 6 patient i incharge but its of no better den 9!!.. u noe y.. haha let me explain to u..

yest me n my preceptor (the one whu was suppose to guide me n help me when i nt sure of thing n check whether i m corretc in doing my ting) was in the same room.. YEAHHH!! but u noe wad.. she was junior n i m in charge!

junior does all those taking of blood pressure.. sponge n bath patient.. change diaper.. fetch patient n send patient whu go for procedure.. write all those chart .. of wad patient eat n hw much they urine n shit..

n in charge nid to do all those changes for 6 patient .. write report.. serve oral n iv medicine.. giv inj..

n sooo thr go onli with we 2 in tt room.. n best is although onli 6 patient.. 3 go RT.. 1 go 2D echo.. 1 go a procedure call CVC insertion 1 MRI 1 CXR.. my preceptor was like sending patient here n thr.. n i nid to help her sponge some patient cox all is bed bound.. n than best is when my preceptor went send patient.. another patient was going for another procedure n insist on changing diaper b4 going n i was serving my IV med .. with needle in my hand..

hai.. jus yest i been stand for 12 hr without my butt touch de chair more den 1 min n nv eat anyting or drink a drop of water for 12hr.

CLAP*.. n guess wad.. when i off work i gt no appetite to eat cox was so tired but hav to eat jus fgor de sake of eating hai.. n i hav been slimming down again.. cox reall no apptite..

yest morning was crazy n i do all the changes myself.. without my preceptor checking.. haha so scared got ting do wrong.. haha.. but still junior job is the most xing ku one.. my poor preceptor..

2009-06-30T19:04:00.000-07:00

slp till goin 10 today cox my mum wake me up.. nid go work ltr.. hai..

darlin went to book in.. n so here i m all alone.. i duno y i keep havin tt feeling n its gettin worst.. realli tryin very hard now..

jus feel lonely.. duno.. maybe all r busy..

n nw.. cheryl muz learn to b to b alone.. when ppl free ask me ba.. askin ppl out n result ended up like tt time hai.. well von noe i m refering to wad..

sometime i jus feel like gone for the world for a moment.. so tt i wun keep wanting to find ppl but i duno wad i will do.. i realli duno.. mayb nw i shall try.. i jus feel like pinching myself.. but it isnt pain at all hai..

darling also found me a doc.. maybe sat if he gt book out he will bring me go c.. if useless den go von one ba..

duno.. i m realli very lost.. haiiii...

missing darling..

hope nth go wrong n he can book out on fri or sat..

2009-06-27T18:43:00.000-07:00

hai.. yest make me feel worst.. till nw i m still feeling horrible...

so sry i lost my temper.. but everyting tgt make me so piss..

maybe my temper is realli gettin worst...

hai i realli wan c doc.. haiii...

yeah darling gettin out today...

2009-06-26T19:35:00.000-07:00

wad happen yest teach cheryl to spray holy water to work..

i was in charge of bed 1 to 6 den my guide 7 to 12.. but she was busy with her own ting.. hai.. den my patient nearly collapse.. i was with him for like 2 hr.. runnin up n down in the ward n in a suana ward..

den call doc here n thr.. i nv encounter b4 lo.. duno wad to do also.. den my guide so busy.. haiii

den run ard den finally send him to ICU b4 he collapse nid few min late he will collapse.. den also duno hw to write report... cox din send b4.. haiii....

ended up i come bk frm icu nid do other ppl stuff.. haii.. no time even for water.. so thr i go frm 103o am till 10 i no food n but got go drink a little frm my own bottle haiii..

off work i was like so hypo n giddy cox no food n no sweet ting..

argz..

tis teach cheryl to spray holy water when she go work..

darling bookin out tmr!!!!!!!!!11 yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!1 but den .. i work afternon! haha

2009-06-25T18:54:00.000-07:00

yest was so sux.. i got 3 empty bed n so i got 3 patient onli..

den at night at 845.. 2 new admission came n den the night shift ppl say i cant cope even with 3 patient.. my preceptor even say with them .. so damn shit.. i onli left de report to write finish.. n i hav been helping her serve her room med okie.. say guide me yest also din guide me at all.. she busy with her own room.. den when pass finish report i still nid fniish my 2 new adminsion which come at 845..

den she say huh got 2.. i tot onli 1.. den i feel like sayin if nt i so rush for wad. no time to write my report ..

fuck sia..

is nt i cant cope okie..

hw can u say me when u nv guide me at all.. n u dun even noe i hav 2 new admission?

it simply sux thr haiii...

2009-06-24T18:26:00.000-07:00

yest work wasnt realli gd.. it jus so sux.. i feel so worst cox i duno anyting.. hai.. n at the end of the work i feel like cryin immediately cox i was realli very stress..

tis time cry nt cox of my illness .. haha.. is cox i m realli realli very stress.. its time i should buck up realli.. hai...

sms darling n he has fallen aslp while waiting for me .. cox i offwork at 1015.. haha.. best right? overwork till 10+ hai..

n i wanna cry when i offwork .. but my friend was thr so i jus tahan n tahan .. n when i jus step hm.. i cry out like hell.. i feel sososo stress.. i duno whu to find.. cox its 11+ when i reach hm n i duno whu is free to listen to me .. guessing the girls might b busy.. jus nice jx find me so i talk to him..

n tis morning darling msg me .. msg wif him awhile i cant slp bk i start to feel tense .. try to slp but lie for one hr.. all work ting come to my mind.. try nt to tink but it jus come n come.. cox thrs so much ting i duno n today staff all is nt gd one.. cox all gd one is off today .. hai.. n i jus cry n cry.. n once again i duno whu to find.. i feel so much like slashing myself.. but i jus start to pinch myself.. try to call darling bk n his hp is off.. guess he is busy with training.. i duno which girl i can find.. so ended up i find jx again.. n he teach me hw to relax.. n indeed it does help.. i fall aslp bk.. thanks jx..

today will nt b a gd day.. cox all the staff r nt gd.. n i duno much ting.. hai.. sure gana criticize.. ppl.. if u free can let me find u.. tell me k? i guess today i will break down.. very worst hai..

another few more days darling comin out.. i realli miss u darling..

2009-06-23T17:52:00.000-07:00

yest was my off day.. n guess wad.. i wake up.. n the first thing my mum told me was..
" ur sis forget to pay the bill n so.. the internet n scv got chop off"..

den i was like damn sian cox tv ch all so boring.. n no internet use.. so i start to sit on chair n stare blindly.. n miracly i din feel so tense or sad or wanna cry.. i jus feel bored like hell.. cheryl was indeed a guai girl yest..

but.. the reason is cox i was sick haha.. sudd fever.. 37.8.. den when the fever came down to 37.5 i went out to eat souel garden!!..

n today.. cheryl wake up feeling scared n tense.. hai tink is the way i wake up ba.. jump up.. n feel so lonely.. but she told herself she wasnt.. n she told herself 4 more days darling is comin out.. so nw she is tryin to occupied her mind... so tt she wun cry out.. n tryin to calm herself now..

she take temp again n is 37.4.. no fever!!!!! i wan fever!!!.. yest hav today den subside.. sianz cant take mc.. hai me n fad was so wanting to hav fever bcox both of us seemly hate tt ward.. its jus so political... n my side is worst den her... haiii...

2009-06-21T06:42:00.000-07:00

cheryl hate the feeling.. she realli hate the feeling..

jus yest morning cheryl break down again.. no matter hw she try.. sometime she jus cant control.. all she does yest was to pinch herself she duno y.. n its onli when she saw the mark thr till today den she realise she had pinch too hard..

n today.. she try calm herself down in the morning.. n somehw she succeed a little.. she sitll can controll.

hai sometime she can control but sometime she jus cant.. n when she lost control she jus cant tink properly..

missing my darling lots..

been waitin for calls everyday which i dun even noe will it come or can talk hw long.. jus waiting aimlessly each day by my hp.. keeping my hp wif me every single moment.. evening when i m bathing.. cox i duno when darling wld secretly msg.. even jus a msg or 2 make me happy..

n nw cheryl is holding on to her phone.. waiting aimlessly again.. n she duno when thr will b calls or sms today.. she jus wait aimlessly.. even when she is starting to doze off.. she force herself to stay awake..

2009-06-19T17:23:00.000-07:00

yest wasnt realli gd..

cheryl break down ti the extend tt she nv try b4.. its so much worst.. after mitting her friend.. she jus break down.. she went loitering alone near her hse in a very quiet place n start crying by herself... in a way she nv ever cry b4..

she wanted to find someone talk to her .. but she realli duno whu.. all she does is to sit thr n cry all by herself..

she keep finding darling... n finally he called her bk..

during tt moment she was alone she tot of lots of ting.. but she told herself she cant..

i duno y.. i realli duno y.. i jus feel so tense n lost control sudd.. to the extend tt i realli wan do anyting to make myself better..

darling manage to calm me down alittle yest.. n ask me to go hm.. but soon lights out alr.. n i was thr alone again.. tryin to calm myself even more..

n today.. i keep waking up on n off frm 5+ 6.. i trieed to breath in n out.. calm myself dwn.. but i m realli tense down.. i cant find anyone.. darling is nt thr wif me .. i cant find him..

i duno whu to find i realli duno.. all i does is to cry..

i noe i m a nuisence a trouble.. i alr tried for the past 3 days.. onli 2 days successful..

i realli miss u darling.. onli u will alway b thr for me to talk to.. but nw i hav no one..

i m realli tired of asking ppl out.. tis wk tues n sat off.. onli mon morning shift.. de rest afternoon shift.. but tues gg out wif poly friend.. cox nan de all off..

darling i realli wan u nw.. i cant find anyone..

i realli duno hw long can i survive.. i tried i alr tried..

counting down 8 more days...

2009-06-18T18:50:00.000-07:00

waking up.. feeling tense.. n darling din msg me in the morning.. telling myself he must hav been overslp n rush for tings.. well .. hope at night he will contact me.. if he can..

wishing my darling wun start smoking in the camp.. but will my wish come true? hmm.. i noe its hard to believe he will nt .. haiiiiiii... "social smoker" is wad he mean..

waking up feeling tense n worried.. wanted to cry but i told myself... i alr promise darling must try nt to cry n b happy.. so thr i m nw tryin.. i din realli cry today wor.. i hold back my tears n find tings to occupy myself..

been finding ppl go out past few days.. so tt today i off i will b less tense.. well it indeed help a little.. cox slightly easier to control my mood n feeling today...

ltr late evening gg out wif fad they all to buy evon present.. hmmm.. at 5 pm.. wondering can i survive by myself till tt time alone!.. i shall try!..

darlings is bookin out on the 28th if nth went wrong.. but well i m working on the afternoon shift on the 28th.. hai..but nvm de following day i on course .. at least can mit n go out for dinner.. den de following day i work morning.. n he has to book in too haiiii.. book out also mit awhile.. well at least better den nth..

been so tired recently tt jus yest.. i nearly get knock by car 3 times.. twice when i go n come bk frm lunch.. n once at night.. duno is i m tinkin bout tings.. i m staring blindly or i m jus too tired..

counting down to 28th even though i cant mit him much.. 9 more days to go..
i miss u darling...

struggling to control herself..

thanks ppl =)

2009-06-16T08:15:00.000-07:00

cheryl is struggling to hold on.. tryin her best..

cheryl jus keep on cryin when she is alone.. n she is controlling nt to cry cox she promise her darling she shouldnt cry.. but she jus cant control..

alot of tinking.. she realli cant stand tt feeling inside her.. thrs a feeling she duno hw to describe.. she jus feel like crying.. n i duno hw long i can take it.. she hope tt she dies.. n sometime she wish she is.. nw she nt tinking onli bout cutting herself.. but she control herself.. tt she must hold on..

nw i rather go work.. although tt bitch alway pick on me.. today even say my name out loud in front of ppl.. n even though sometime she stress out till she wanna cry in her ward... at least tt feeling doesnt exist cox she was too busy..

hate work.. hate off day.. wonderng fri hw can she survive? cox its her off..

struggling to hold on...

missya darling.. till nw i stil din manage to contact darling much.. duno wad is happening at all..

2009-06-15T18:12:00.000-07:00

alone starting frm today..

duno whu to find n duno whu can i find to go out wif..

i realli cant take it anymore.. can someone bring me c doc? but i m scared..

i alr try nt to tink.. nt to tink of anyting.. but the feeling of scared n lost still come..

been cryin everyday.. sometime i dun even noe y..

i m tired..

2009-06-15T08:06:00.000-07:00

staring at the com.. duno wad to do.. got no mood to do anytings..

wanted to study but all i feel is moodiness and tiredness..

wanted to study.. but i cant concentrate.. i knew tis wld happen.. i noe wad is gg to happen tmr will affect my study..

darling gg tekong along.. i wanna acc him.. but i working afternoon.. hai.. tinking of taking MC.. faking MC so tt i gt time to study n acc him go.. but tink twice i shall jus go to work.. i hate the feeling of leaving..

i wish i fall sick.. too sick to even go to work.. better is fever.. i realli wish i m having..

tmr work afternoon.. wed exam.. planning nt to slp tmr after work to study.. well but i noe i cant make it.. even din study also 4 hr of slp.. study,.. no nid slp.. hai..

feeling loneliness.. all i feel like doin nw is to close myself in the rm .. n cry.. i realised i realli cant stay at hm .. my tinking went wild.. i feel so scared n lost.. but at the same time.. even though i wanna mit my friend go out.. but i m sick of the ans i get everytime i ask which make me disappointed.. so nw cheryl decide to lock herself at hm .. no matter hw worst she is feeling.. unless ppl ask her out.. tis wk she having her off on mon n fri..

i wish one day i couldnt take all tis n go into depression.. to the extend tt gg IMH.. so tt i can use tis excuse to change my ward..

i m realli nt feeling ok..

*gone*

missya my darling....

2009-06-13T18:30:00.000-07:00

today is a sun n i m working afternoon..

i m so tired.. soso tired.. but i jus cant slp..

wait up in the morning 7+ feeling so tense n afraid.. tried to smooth myself down.. breathing in n out.. dun tink of ting.. but i jus cant.. but i m realli tired.. tears jus drip down.. i realli hate tis feeling..

feeling like cutting myself again but i noe i cant.. so thr i go "jus imaging it..cutting myself.. tinking of blood drip.. hoping i will die.." haha but tt did succeed i doze off for awhile less than half an hr?

i reali hate my work to the core.. i feeling like terminating my bond n pay tt sum of money.. i reali hate tt place.. i m jus like a fool to everyone.. no true friends i can make in thr.. everytime working i will jus look forward to off day to brightened myself up.. mitting darling or my friends.. nw.. darling gg army.. i hate work .. i hate off day bcox thrs no one i can mita anymore.. friends r busy.. thrs no day to motivate myself anymore..

i wanted to find someone to talk now.. to brighten me up.. buts thrs no one now.. no one..

i m nt normal anymor.. seriously i m nt..

i hate work.. i m scared of loneliness..

mon n fri off.. but fri.. i wasnt lookin forward to it at all..

i m realli nt feeling normal.. i duno hw long i can take it before i realli did silly ting.. i jus feel like closing myself in my room n cry non stop..

i noe i m a burden to u.. i realli try.. i realli m nt normal..

thrs realli no one i can find now.. no one...............................................................................

2009-06-11T18:28:00.000-07:00

i m reali tired..

tired of my life..

loneliness.. n tt feeling is so suck..

i hate it when ppl say one ting but de action is show other way round.. since u appear.. ting slowly changing..

changing to depression soon?

cheryl is tryin hard to to cry in her ward.. cox everyone is lookin down on her.. n she look like a fool to everyone.. a useless bum.. n hardly ppl teach her ting..

2009-06-09T18:00:00.000-07:00

afternoon shift today.. hai..

once again .. waking up i jus dun feel gd.. n i m realli tired.. i realli wan to slp but i jus cant..

alot of thoughts alot of tings.. i tried nt to tink n slp back.. but its jus so hard..

16th jun comin.. n darling gg army.. i guess i m jus scared of alone.. n i duno whu to find to talk when i wan someone to talk.. i scared when i m alone my mind will wonder even more..

i realli duno whu to find.. i jus feel so lost..

i guess its realli time i should c a doc soon.. its back.. n it realli is..

i realli duno whu i can find.. to talk n to go out..

i realli nid slp..

2009-06-09T05:58:00.000-07:00

yest.. enjoy lots..

went out wif darling..

first went darling hse watch twilight.. nice nice..

den went china town make his spect.. den go watch movie.. monster vs alien.. well nt tt nice afterall to me.. cant wait to c UP..

den went to eat korean BBQ steamboat somewhr at bugis.. nt bad neh.. though ex.. den went to alps for a small drink den went hm ..

n today went to NP to take darling cert.. den study for me.. den went his grandma hse.. well but i din reali enjoy today..

cheryl was tinking whens de last time she realli feel happiness.. real happy.. hw she used to b happy everyday.. when she use to b a happy go lucky girl..

16th jun i realli hate it..

she noe tt she is gonna b lonely soon.. cox all her friends r busy.. n when she work.. she hardly gt time to even contact wif them.. its time i should adapt my life soon..

cheryl tink alot today.. she realli feel unhappy today.. but she duno whu she can find to talk.. days to 16th is jus gettin nearer.. hai..

mit my parent for dinner today.. n she told herself she cant cry.. so she control.. but somehw one or 2 tear drip down.. but luckily no one saw..

she is sososo tired.. her shiftwork making her crazy.. all she wants is to slp n realli hav a nice slp..

its been long since she hav a nice ncie slp.. alway wake up in de middle of night.. more den 5 time.. dreaming every night.. jump up frm her slp every morning.. hai..

m i jus crazy? .. sllpy slpy me..

n u bitchy "sister".. i did nth to u so jus stop aiming at me in work.. i pass out frm a very diff work.. n everyting nw is difficult for me to adapt.. i m tryin to n tryin hard to learn.. telling everyone in the ward .. " those new staff.. you must buck up.. u r here for few weeks alr.. u must be good in everyting esp junior work" ya .. n on tt day onli me n another new staff working.. n she was a prev enrolled nurse.. u r sayin me right.. jus say my name la.. nt de first time u picking on me.. damn u.. hope u gana karma.. n nv pass ur uni so u wun get a chance to b a real sister!.. u r nt suit to b one..

hai.. tryin to like her ward..

2009-06-06T18:14:00.000-07:00

hi miss gg out on sat ... hai but nw i m alway working afternoon on sat.. n thers no way i can go out wif darling on sat again cox hes gg army next wk.. n my friend r all busy working.. well.. now i dun wish to work morning or off at sat... cox i hate to stay at hm at sat.. since nw no1 can go out wif me i shall hope i work afternoon on sat..

i m jus so disappointed whenever i tink of wad von told me tt wad 'she' was feeling. haha so tis is call gd friend? .. trust? hmm..

but i realli miss all my friend..

today sun.. working afternoon again..

hai.. i knew de sister hate me haha..

illness comin bk.. shall i go n take my med?

von guan jia si...jl.. i miss u all :(

16th june.. comin.. I HATE IT..

exam on 17.. hai wonder will i hav mood to study?

somehw i m looking toward tmr n tues.. my full day enjoying wif darling.. last 2 days tt i can realli go out play wif him.. haii

2009-06-05T18:17:00.000-07:00

hai.. waking up in the morning i feel crazy..

i m so afraid to slp bk.. cox dreams will come.. i will worry tis n ttt..

darling gg in army le.. i duno whu i can find.. i m worried..

hai.. i guess my illness realli coming back..

i m tryin to make myself better each time i wake up.. but i jus feel so tense..

hai whu can help me..

i m afraid to c doc..

well..

haiiii

2009-06-04T19:20:00.001-07:00

working make me so tired.. my hand ache from struggling alone to sponge weak patient.. whu is bigger size den me .. n my back hurts frm all those shifting .. i gt no strength to use the correct technique to life patient so i can only struggle.. haha.. i knew my back prob will come soon.. cox seriously its hurt.. haiiii...

yest work alone as junior struggling.. been 2 days din go for break.. n i alway hav my lunch at 4+ haiiiiii... n din even hav time to drink a drop of water.. n tt fucking cleaner THROW MY WATER BOTTLE AWAY.. when i put at de pantry.. HELLO IT DUN LOOK LIKE A USELESS BOTTLE TO U RIGHT... so piss yest.. nid spend m,oney buy bottle again.. ltr i shall go n buy.. irritating..

hai in a wk or so time darling is gg army.. i knew i will b alone.. haha right darling? frm wad i told u yest.. nvm i shall try n survive.. which i duno i will nt? .. hmm.. haii.. i m so disappointed stil over someting.. well.. darling noe de best.. n jx nt refering to u la.. haha..

after slping for so long i m stil tired.. when den will i hav enough slp.. hai... n i realli feel de aching.. n keep no time for break.. my gastric prob sure will b back lo.. damn it.. haiii..

ending here.. gg study soon.. I GOT NO TIME STUDY.. THANK TO U SISTER.. giv me gd shift.. thanks huh.. haiiii..

frm wed onward afternoon morning afternoon morning afternoon.. I HATE TIS.. STRAIGHT 5 DAYS WORK LIKE TT

muacks.. ending here..

2009-06-01T18:20:00.000-07:00

cryin in the mornin again..

n wake up findin my darling..

i scared i will break down when darling nt ard me .. when he is in army.. cox i duno whu to find every morning..

yest night i get to noe some tings..

haha its jus so disappointed when u still tink of me tt way.. n i knew now i din choose de wrong route..

at the same time i wonder darling can stand me hw long..

hai..

ending here..

i left no time to study cox of my sucky shift work.. the sister jus giv me sucky timing..

2009-05-31T23:45:00.000-07:00

cherylis crying.. she is cryin nw..

she realli hate her work..

fad mentioning make her realised wad is the reali reason tt lead her wake up crying each day...

the ppl thr r reali so hard to mix wif.. nt tt i m near but its tt they treat u as outsider.. de sister sux..

i jus duno hw to say i jus hate it thr..

the ppl thr r so gd frien wif the sister.. tt i dun even one whu i cazn trust..

it jus sux

2009-05-31T19:00:00.000-07:00

finally a day off my work.. so tired my hand n leg is aching..

hai .. tries to like my ward but i jus cant..so stress.. n cing other ppl aqdapting so fast.. i m the slowest.. of all best right.. hai cox i jus cant adapt.. n ppl look down on me.. so sux..

i jus hate to work each day..

went to flyer wif darling.. no choice die also muz tmr cox the promotion tix i buy at 9buck yest de last day... haha..

n as usal he dun dare to look down..

coward..

studyin time ltr.. siannnnnn

2009-05-29T17:57:00.000-07:00

cheryl is finally online!!..

haha act she wanna online on thurs but she having fever.. 38.. sniff so no choice.. n she feelin sososo sick tt she slp at 8+ til 8+ de other day.. 12 hr.. hmm..

yest was fun..

morning went k box wif darling.. den go darling hse n slp.. cox my fever came bk again.. its jus on n off.. den night wanna go flyer.. den so long Q.. c le forget it.. den its a fun fun day after tt..

hai i realli jus hate waking up in the morning it make me so tense..

hmm..

i wonder when darling go army.. hw will i become..

i guess i will jus hav tt lonely feeling..

my scduele realli sucky!..

almost most of them is afternoon!.. i cant even go out wif darling n freidns.. SUXXX.. wan giv me afternoon also wait tilld arling go army ma.. argz..

hai...

i miss my friends.. i miss guan von jl si dardar (esp, cox too long din c her) yoyo... mostly girls la.. cox i jus feel uncomfortable without mitting them every wk.. haha..

nw i wan spend more time wif my darling first.. i noe ppl will say i zhong se qing yong.. but in another 2 wks time he gg army.. n cant come out for 2 wks.. if nt i will sure mit my friends...

even mit darling also no time..

hai i m jus feeling so stress.. nid to collect bday money .. dig out a day i m free to go buy.. i m jus so easily stress nwaday.. ahhhhhhh.. cant take it anymore..

ltr work.. i tink will b incharge.. duno wad time den can go hm.. muz b after 10..

but will psycho papa fetch me cox tmr morning shift.. haiii

2009-05-26T17:45:00.000-07:00

cheryl jus hate waking up in the morning..

every morning she will wake up cryin.. n she feel scared..

n she wil find her darling every morning.. but soon he is gg in army n i hav no one to find when i wake up..

she feel crazy.. tt sometime she jus feel like cutting herself.. but she knew darling n her friends wun like it.. so she control but duno hw long she she can take it..

sometime she jus cant help feeling lonely.. although she is nt.. but she can hardly contact her friends cox her work keep diff shift.. n she knew its gg b worst when darling go inside army.. on my off day i will b at hm alone.. cox her frienf will b working..

de happiest moment she has is when she is wif her friends n darling.. but she hate it when ppl thr make her piss off.. i noe von sure noe whu.. hai..

n she realli enjoy the sat gathering tt she hass

n cheryl temper is getting bad to worst.. she dun wan to.. but she jus cant help.. she jus get piss so easily.. she alr tried nt to.. but a little ting jus irritated her.. yest grad wasnt tt fun afterall.. i jus duno y i get so irritated easily.. i m jus so tired..

cheryl is lookin forward to her fri.. but at the same time.. she is not.. cox when its nearer.. it means darling is gg to army nearer..

i wonder if i can survive when darling inside army.. cox i duno whu to find when i m feeling scared..

i m realli jus a crazy girl...

is it time tt i c a doc again?...

2009-05-25T03:34:00.001-07:00

once again..

CHERYL IS SICK..

if i m nt wrong.. last mth i jus sick finsih.. down wif flu again hai out of sudden today.. keep sneeze sneeze den sick..

if u were to ask me whether de tami flu jab help to u to prevent flu.. I TOLD U ITS NT..argz.. n i tink i m gg down wif fever.. i hope nt.. if nt cant go work.. my head is hurting me.. n i m feeling so unwell..

tmr grad!! n after tt gg celeb my lao po xiuling bird day!.. weeeeee... den after mit darling for dinner.. gonna mit darling more cox he is gg in army in another 2 to 3 wks times.. hai.. without him i tink i will b more depress.. well i hope nt..

tings r happening.. but i dun wish to assume ting cox i duno which is the truth.. assuming is nt gd.. but same ... i dun wan to noe the truth either..

i scared the truth will disappoint me ..

if ting were realli in a way tt i tot.. n i m feeling.. than i m realli disappointed.. cox imaging a gd friend rather blieve in other ppl words den urs? .. n after asking ard.. i knew i wasnt tinking to much.. it worsen.. but i jus dun wan assume ting.. n i dun wish to assume tings.. dun wan to noe the truth..

but all i can say my trust has lessen.. n its sad to say tt lessen toward ur very gd friend.. n even close one.. i dun wish ting to b like tis.. but .. its nt onli me tinking tis way.. isnt it?

i m jus so disappointed.. haii..

get my work pay.. but i wasnt happy.. work so damn hard.. no time to eat.. no time to drink.. no time to sit.. everyday in stress situation.. n yet my pay after CPF is less den a thousand three..

i m so reluctant to go to work each day.. but for tis wk.. i m gg to motivate myself cox on fri.. darling is taking off n bring me out to play the whole day.. we r gg flyer at night!.. cox my sis gt tix at 9buck each onli!.. n afternoon gg k box!.. somehw tis motivated me to work on wed n thurs.. cox i m looking sooo forward to it.. its been a long time since i ever play till like tis...

somehw.. gg out wif friendssss n darlin motivate me to tt day.. n tis.. is the onli ting tt will motivate me to work each day so de day i mit my friend wld faster come!!

n I MISS U CF!!!!.. opps.. i guess i m gonna b beaten by.. hmmm.. oppsie.. n i've been tinking its a wonder .. tt we can b such a gd friend!.. n thanks wor >.<>

2009-05-23T19:23:00.000-07:00

hai.. i hate de feeling of waking up recently..

feeling scared.. de feeling is bk.. is it comin bk? n every morning i wil try to cool myself down.. the first ting i wil call my darling but soon no chance le.. he is gg army soon..

yest mit up wif von they all.. n guess i m too tired after eatiing i doze off at von hse.. haha say wan to mit up wif them wan go her hse play ended up slping.. cox onli slp 3 hr for prev night.. hai break down again..

alot ting ive been tinking .. it make me feel so lost.. i dun wish to assume ting.. i dun wan to keep guessing ting... but is it realli like wad i m tinking..

well.. ltr gg flyer wif my family.. i m still so slpy..

ltr gg study.. yawn .. b4 i go out haii..

*love*..

i noe u realli no money but u dote on me..

lalala~~

i miss my friendssssssssssssssssss

2009-05-21T18:38:00.001-07:00

happy? i wish i can b happy..

hai i jus hate my parent for now.. alway assuming tings.. whu r bad whu r gd i can differientate..

have u all realli tink hw i m feeling now.. even if i cry even if i dun look happy.. u all jus tink tt its my friends whu make me unhappy.. but its nt .. they r de one tt make me happy.. esp darling.. he alway keep me acc.. even in early morning i wake up crying.. even my friends noe hw i m feeling.. but none of u bother to even tink for me.. noe wad i wan ..

i tink my illness is realli bk.. i hate to live in tis world.. it jus a matter of hw long i can control those thoughts..

cryin now.. cox of wad my dad hav said.. assuming ting..

i realli hate living..

i miss my friends.. my darling..

2009-05-20T03:33:00.000-07:00

yawn.. bk frm work.. 1 wk in the ward n i m still like a lost ghost.. hai.. muz buck up.. left 2 mth.. to c if i can pass my confirmation as a staff nurse.. but i knew to me is impossible.. cox i knew nth.. n i m starting frm the scrap.. cox my PRCP ward is so damn diff.. nth is similar AT ALL.. well.. jia you..

n nw.. i m feeling so dead tired.. tt i hav no feeling.. no feeling of stress or wadever.. cox.. i m sooooooo tired..

n everyday i hav to swallow my food fast.. in order to complete all those work.. i partner wif another junior.. wonder if i de onli junior hw? = no nid eat haha.. cox i will b damn blur.. n i can swear.. n get lots of scolding cox cfm do wrong ting..

n everyday after work .. i willl b like water tank.. damn thirsty like hell.. tt i dun wan food but water.. cox i din even touch a drop of water after i start work.. n tt ward so freaking hot.. like suana.. haha n i can bet i will get sick soon..

getting nearer to my exam.. n ltr no matter wad..i shall drag myself to study.. even for half an hr.. at least make improvement.. but my eye r closing n nw its onli 640pm.. haiii... yest work afternoon somemore.. n i offwork at 10.. suppose to b 930 de lo but cant go haii..

n thanks jx for fetching me home n de bubble tea.. if nt i will reach hm at 1130 le.. n thanks derrick for ur fries which u bought last min.. N EVEN FORGET MY CURRY SAUCE..

end here
buaii~~

2009-05-18T17:51:00.000-07:00

recently.. cheryl been waking up crying..

she feel so tense n lost .. she duno y.. tinking is it her work..

she cant even slp well at all at night.. like last time.. she keep waking up.. n her mind keep generating tings tt she dun like .. her work..

n every morning she will wake up finding her darling.. but she noe he can do nth to help her..

mit up wif my darling yest for tt very short while.. cox both of us off 530.. n i nid b hm early.. but nevertheless for tt little while he make me happy.. ben lai is wan go study for my exam but i realli dun feel like.. i feel so stress inside.. so he bring me go eat botak john? i duno botak wad la.. n den play 3 rd of pool den go hm.. but though it was short it make me happy..

but tis morning i wake up crying again haii..

n i can feel de symptoms realli.. i wil b like kan jiong over ppl reply.. hai..

i tink ppl shouldnt get near me recently.. cox i will jus throw my temper..

hai.. i noe i shouldnt keep tinkin my illness is bk.. but i can realli sense it.. i m alr tryin to control..

2009-05-17T07:28:00.001-07:00

cheryl 2nd posting for today..

hai sry ppl if i lost my temper to u guys... i jus feel so easily pissed recently den i jus shout n scream at anyone when a little ting jus piss me off..

cheryl is feeling so tired..

she knew her illness will b back.. cox she sense some of the sypmtoms but its jus a matter of time when.. n hw long she can tolerate..

been cryin the whole day n control myself whenever i m outside..

n to my darlings.. thanks lots for keep tryin to make me happy today but whenever i wake up feeling depress or i m real stress.. its hard to make me happy.. unless thr is someone wif me.. whenever i m wif someone i feel more distracted hai.. n i noe u dote on me.. but jus dun hav the money to..

love ya..

haiii.. plz.. dun come bk my illness.. haii.. but i can sense the symptom.. nt i wan tink negatively.. but its thr ..

slping soon tired..

love ya my darling..

2009-05-16T19:04:00.000-07:00

cheryl hate working.. she hate de ward she is in nw.. she hav the phobia of gg to work everyday.. tt she wan to cry.. she feel so lost in her ward she duno wad to do.. whr all her friends tt came in wif her knew almost everyting.. even the foreigner.. cox she used to work in oncology ward when she is in malaysia.. i m majiam a lost ghost everyday in the ward.. n cing every one busy but n sometime i jus had nth to do...

no one to talk to.. seem like gana ignore by everyone.. no one teach her hw to do tings.. n she duno almost all of the ting.. n ppl giv her tt attitude tt i m lousy cox i duno anyting .. even tt i pass out alr..

she was so tired.. but yet she cant slp well at all.. her work keep generating in her mind .. tt she wake up crying n feel realli scared.. n so thr she go n find her darling.. thanks for acc me chat .. but till nw i still feel scared.. i m still crying.. cox next wk start shift work n fad is alway nt the same shift as me..

i can feel tt my illness is comin bk.. tried to calm dwn but its so hard...

it giv me a feeling i dun feel like living anymore... i m feeling so scared..

2009-05-14T04:15:00.000-07:00

finally cheryl is online .. haha..

n nw she is feeling soooo.. DEAD TIRED.. tt she will doze off within 5 min if she lie in her bed.. intended to study for my exam but... i realli cant make it.. n decided tt i shall jus copy the note tt i hav borrow frm fad.. n go to slp.. damn early..

after 2 days in her ward.. she realli din like it at all.. its ok tt they dun mingle wif me.. but de prob is the staff there dun even mingle with one another!!..

n the ward is damn freaking busy to the extend tt.. i onli go for half an hr break.. been walking n standing frm 7 to 335.. n sit onli for less than half an hr? cox still nid walk to buy food..

n seriously my spine is super pain.. even wif jus sitting or standing.. it hurts.. hai i jus hope tt it dun giv me any serious trouble.. whu ask my life so suay.. haha go male cubicle.. some is twice de wt of mine or even more ok!.. n i hav to carry n shift them up n down.. making my spine even worst.. n my leg ache frm all tt walking.. damn it.. hai my spine is sosososo pain.. even when lieing dwn.. duno hw to find a position to make myself better..

next wk starting shift work alr.. hai.. dun hav much time to mit my friends.. haii.. n my next wk schedule sux like hell.. making me dun feel like gg work.. nid to work 6 days straight .. to my off day which is on sun.. hai.. n the shift is like mostly frm afternoon shift change to mornnign tt kind. hw to slp.. haiiii...... i tink i will b dead tired to giv go out to mit my friends..

n ppl hav been stressing me haiii.. bump into one staff nurse who was previously in the ward i m in nw (verna's gd friend).. haha qiao right.. n she giv me tt look when i tell her i m in B2.. (cox tts de busiest station of all.. n she wish me all da best.. haha.. i still rem she is a very very gd staff nurse..

cheryl seriously miss her prev ward.. n she miss all the staff thr.. though thrs backstabber but i miss mingleing wif them.. smacking their butt when working.. gg for break n makan tgt.. crap tgt.. surf internet tgt.. tou tou order food on behalf of pt name n eat ourselve.. sitting at the nursing station n chit chat when thrs nth to do.. n obviously crap wif the docs thrs when all of us r free.. haiii..

ending here.. to go eat n copy notes den go slp..

night ppl

2009-05-09T18:26:00.001-07:00

cheryl is feeling soo damn unhappy n bad mood now..

she dun even noe y.. perhap bored? perhap stress? cox gg bk to ward in 2 days time? hai.. or even 1 days time? .. y i go n choose tt ward!.. exam comin.. in jun.. noe i shld start study le cox alot.. but somehw i jus dun hav de mood to..

so when her eyes jus open tis morning.. she feel like gg out.. but she jus duno whu to ask.. n the onli person tt came to her mind is VONNNNN..so she sms her.. luckily she is free.. n so we went to find cf n guan n jialing n si.. ehhh.. onli guan n cf reply.. guan nt free.. so onli left cf wif us..

she hope tt her friends can make her day brighter..

hai.. jus stop asking me whr i wan to go.. most of the places i wan go.. mostly cant.. i m so sick of tinking of places to go.. so i rather tag along wif my friends n let them tink whr to go.. but those r the words tt come out frm ur mouth..

mitting von n cf at 1145.. n i knew u wun b able to wake up so i dun even bother to ask.. but since she wan me to ask den i ask lo.. so i tink even tink of askin u also..

cheryl is jus feeling so unhappy tt she jus feel like crying.. she also duno de reason y.. luckily got my sweet von whu is free today to acc me ^^..

end here..

haiii...

i still hav the bad habit of spending up all my money when i m seriously in a very bad mood..

2009-05-08T18:43:00.000-07:00

feeling so pissed.

jump up frm my slp at 4+ feeling so piss tt i cant slp bk.

its jus so unfair .. its alway me reporting hump..

n morning my mum ask me bout de bag..

n i got even piss tt i yell at her for alway opening my tings den ask ask ask..

she totally din giv me any privacy.. whr i go.. go wif whu.. EVEN GO WHR also wan to noe..

she better dun make me piss any further cox i will jus yell at her..

pissing off...

2009-05-08T07:41:00.000-07:00

wad a day today.. gg for the tamiflu jab vaccination today which left my left hand aching.. n keep havin tt bitter taste in my mouth cox thrs mask fitting today.. n all de mask jus doesnt suit me.. hav to re try n retry again.. n my mouth keep having tt bitter taste for soooooo many times.. ewwww...

ppl keep asking me nt to b emo.. but if emotion is able to control .. den thr wunb ppl breaking down n commit sucide .. if nth happen .. i wun even b emo.. haii..

history is jus repeating itself.. like wad happen 3 yrs ago.. everyting de same.. which make me flung one of my test n get all ds n few cs for my exam .. wif a GPA wif onli 1.7 in yr 1.. haiii.. cant jus tings head for a little change instead of being exactly de same?

i m alway trap btw de 2 of u.. n sometimes its jus leave me tinking.. did i owe both of u someting in my prev life? haii..

i m jus so tired.. tt i nid slp.. so worn out.. so slpy.. till hw i wish sun my fam is nt gg out so tt i can hav my afternoon nap..

hai.. love sometime is jus so complicated .. n leave misery for ppl.. both noe ur own n perhap even wish one another to noe yet.. haii..

love love love.. beautiful or toturing.. realli depend on hw bless u feel.. n hw well tings go smoothly for u.. hmm..

nah nt emoing myself cox i m too tired to even hav any feelings..

my left arm is seriously so heavy after de jab.. n its aching.. more n more worst la.. whoever gg to hit my left arm tmr.. i will curse n swear u! haha.. omg.. ma jiam pig arm ..

yawn.. ending here~~~~~~~~~

night night babes .. oink~~

2009-05-07T03:18:00.000-07:00

weee.. cheryl is back in her blog~~ she like MIA frm her human world haha cox she is busy wif mitting her friends n of cox her darling.. n cox of tis.. her face at hm wasnt even more den 5hr each day.. most of the time when she is bk hm .. her parent r slping!..haha i guess its onli sun tt they will c my face.. >.< ..

oh well mother day is comin!!.. wad shall i buy? hmmm..

hai.. gg bk to ward next week.. n tis mean my lecture is ending tmr!!~~.. awww.. i hope i dun go bk to ward.. stress.. n IV pharmocology exam on 17th june.. may god bless me.. i sux at drug.. n now hav to memorise all those action tt each individual drug cum muz calculated de dosage!. i haven been study math for 3 yrs alr!.. n thr is over 30 drug!.. n tis 30 drug is nt my ward stock n i still hav to memorise those drug in my ward!.. awww.. cracking my brain.. n tts onli the theory part.. still hav the pratical part!!~~..

hwhwhw m i suppose to memorise all tt in.. haiiiiiiii... action of drug.. calculation of drug dosage.. how to dilute those IV drug.. argz.. n tt wasnt de worse! still muz go for IV cannulation n blood taking course.. oh well.. n if for the next few mth i throw my temper to anyone.. say sry first!.. cox i get damn easy irritated n piss off when i m stress n tired..

17th june.. hai.. i jus hate june.. darling wasnt thr for me anymore cox he is gg army at 13th ..

hai.. i sudd feel like sayin someting.. KINKI WONG.. i realli duno wad intention u hav.. or do u realli hav intention.. everytime u either contact one of them.. i feel scared.. i m scared nt cox of u.. but is wad u r gg to do.. hai .. everytime when thr is news tt u r contacting both of them i will b like standing by.. hai..

although he said tt its nt ur fault tt they 2 quarrel but to me it is!.. if u hasnt appear.. if its nt cox of all those ting u done.. they wun even hav quarrel.. haha saying one words n doin the other.. sayin ppl irresponsiblr wadever shit n yet still glue to ppl.. sayin lots of ting n yet ur action doesnt prove wad u r doin.. if u doesnt appear in my life.. my life nw is peaceful.. i wldnt have to worry much.. i wldnt have to keep tinking of other ppl feeling.. i wldnt b afraid of hurting one another.. u r disrupting my life!.. n seriously u better pray hard tt u dun appear in front of me.. i wun even look at u..

i hav no rights to stop my friends from contacting u.. but i feel scared whenever u contact them.. cox i feel realli worn out.. tt i realli cant take anymore of those attack.. but yet i still wan to noe if she ever contact the 2 of u.. cox i dun wan the hatred btw u 2 to worsen.. its alr very worst now.. n i m realli tired..

cf.. u said tt if she ever bully me u gg beat her up right.. hee. gogogo!.. nah jus kiddin* its nt worth to beat this kind of girl n go to jail wahahha.. nt worth it.. she is jus a bitch.. nono .. a slut? nono a cunning women.. hmmm...

darling.. i noe tt u r realli tryin to giv in .. n try to make ting btw u 2 better jus to let me feel better but i noe it wasnt ur fault n it wasnt anyone fault.. no matter hw hard u try its useless.. i noe tt.. thank..

n to u.. no matter wad ppl say to affect me .. i still giv tt last chance to blieve in u.. i blieve in u nt doin any stunt to seperate us.. cox u r nt like her.. n i blieve tt it nid times.. cox i've been through it.. n i noe hw its feel.. i even noe tt derrick is nt feeling very gd bout it.. but he is giving in to me..

but still i willing to giv u tt last trust as a friend cox i noe u r nt tt bad afterall..

sry darling i noe all this ting is making u unhappy..

i noe my blog tis time is bound to let ppl sad.. but tts wad i realli wan to say..

ppl say my mouth is bad.. n nw i wanna curse her to get sack n cant get any work permit n get kick bk to ur country!..

over my 21 yrs of live i nv hate anyone til tis extent.. nw u r the 1st..

ending here..

byebye~~`

2009-05-03T05:54:00.000-07:00

2nd posting within 5 min haii..

i guess i m realli gg to break down.. but thr is no1 tt i can tell.. except perhap von? haha.. but she is so trouble wif her own ting le hor!..

2009-05-03T05:23:00.000-07:00

its time to blog again!!~~..

yest went to sisha.. ok wadever .. i jus duno hw to spell.. wif my poly clique .. haha.. well i din smoke.. but the smell of the smooke is nice.. better a million time den cigratte .. yup..

hai n my friend got fever halfway through.. n nw i realise hw stress it is like.. if u r the one tt sudd hav fever.. its nt u urself scared of dying.. is scared of passing it to ur friends n love one. but luckily her fever subsidise.. haiii..

swine swine swine.. when r u gg off? .. hai.. everyone in the hospital is like tryin their very best to fight it.. oh ya say till swine.. i forget to take de temp for the 2nd time for today.. hmm.. haha..

i seriously miss cing my friends.. CF I MISS U!!..haha jus sayin tt to piss derrick off.. nah i m jus playin.. i jus love ka jiaoing ppl.. one day din ka jiao ppl abit bu zi zai.. haha.. even evon bf i also ka jiao.. wahahaha..

ppl say love is beautiful.. but to me.. it is " love SHOULD be beaultiful.. but sometime n somehw it jus wun turn out tis way.."

n i guess to many ppl ard me.. love is nt tt beautiful afterall..

to me.. is my love gg be beautiful?

i m tired .. realli tired.. feel like writing alot of ting here.. but i jus cant..

i wan to stay happy.. i wan to b happy.. but tings jus keep me away frm my happiness..

but thr is some moment tt i will realli b happy.. n tt is... which i cant even say.. haiii

feeling like cryin nw..

hai. hw i wish i shouldnt have online nw.. bcox it making me more emo.. i shld hav argue wif my parent n let them mit up wif von cf n guan.. den i wldnt hav been online nw..

2009-04-30T05:51:00.000-07:00

i m so dead freaking tired.. omg.. i frm yest till today keep dozing off can.. n its like today i doze off frm 8 to 430 can .. omg..

hai i feel so stress up of my work alr..

list of tings to do:
- learn up all the practical skill tt i hav learn for de past 3 yr .. cox sister wan to assess n get a book in order for us to pass n become REAL staff nurse.. n those skill.. got alot i din even try hands- on on real clinicial.. bless me.. n most of them i return bk to teacher.. haii..
- learn up all the common drug which is over 30 kind.. n de name like so fucking hard to rem .. n prounce haiiii.. n nid to learn wad each drug is for.. omg..
- n learn all the ting bout oncology.. got wad kind of cancer.. n wad causes cancer..

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..

wad is more stress.. nw gt tt swine flu.. hao bu lai.. nw come.. lucky worst.. mine is high risk ward.. dots..

haha c hw LUCKY my life is..

anyway sry ppl if i ever throw temper of u.. cox i m realli tired.. stress.. n moody..

end here time to slp soon..

2009-04-28T06:27:00.001-07:00

gg to my ward tmr.. oncology ward~!.. which is cancer ward..

well..

duno i shld regret or happy.. haha.. cox i like the staff.. ok should phase in tis way.. i like the staff on my2nd posting thr.. but when my first time thr i dun like..

regret is cox.. i hav choosen a ward which the workload is damn damn stress.. which i dun tink i can take it.. sry if when i m working n i lose my temper to anyone.. including all my friends.. haha say sry first.. n it wasnt surprise if i break down.. but well at least i gt hope tt de staff thr is nice..

my eye is closing..

been dozing off in lect frm 8am till 5 pm. non stop.. the onli time i m awake is lunch time can guess hw tired i m?

time to slp le.. night all my darling men~~~

2009-04-27T07:15:00.000-07:00

as promised.. photo.. tis is rico cake.. hmm to me look abit girl la.. haha.. HAPPY 21TH BDAY MY LAO DI.. n guess i spend half of my cake smashing him.. din take grp photo wif him cox de cliqu too pathetic..

n tis is me carryin siti baby.. he is darn cute.. 3. someting kg.. omg.. he look like a chinese isnt it?

n tis.. is the cute little baby!!!.. awww he is jus so adorable...

yest went tamp mall wif my family.. n papa spon me one dress which cost 42buck!! hurhur... THANKS PAPA..

sniff.. my darling is gg in army on the 13th jun.. so fast.. left bout 5 more wks onli.. sniff..

i noe ppl dun support us.. cox of tons of reason..

though u r nt rich.. shld say poor .. to the bottom..

cant bring me go out play.. cant bring me go eat nice nice food which i alway did in the past..

but i realli c the effort of u changing jus cox of me.. tryin to b responsible.. tryin to giv in to wadever ting even it nt ur fault at all.. jus to let me feel better.. tryin to quit smoking..

thanks darling.. love ya..

all those ting tt happen for tt last few mths. realli make me grow i tink.. it let me c clearly whu r those whu realli being thr for me.. listening to me.. whu realli understand me.. n whu realli try to tink for me..

it teach me hw to alway tinks ting on both side..

n thanks to those friends whu have been thr for me..

if ppl were to udnerstand me well .. i realli dun like n cant bear to c ppl sad or get hurt or even quarrel cox of me.. but eventually tings still go wrong.. no matter hw i try..

"do i realli hav to do tings to tt state tt i dun wish to?"

been tinking alot alot alot today.. n can u imagine tt i jus broke down in my lect today.. but no1 c.. cox i jus lying on the table acting tt i m slping..

i m seriously nt feeling gd.. i feel so in btw.. nt as in in btw ppl.. but in btw of wad i shld do.. i reali dun wan to do tings to tt state tt i dun wan to.. cox i jus hate to hurt ppl ..

my wish..

is jus wan ppl to b happy..

myself to be happy..

n live my life peacfullyy..

but de more i wish.. the more opp it go.. so i tink for nw.. i should jus stop wishing for tings.. maybe tings will get better...

feeling mentally n physically tired.. its time i shld slp.. night ppl ..

still i jus hope (but nt wish).. i dun hav to go to tt extent of doin tings to tt state.. friends r impt to me.. n i treasure all friendship.. n of cox my darling too..

2009-04-25T19:38:00.000-07:00

wee.. its been long since i last online.. tink got 2 or 3 days din online le ba.. haha too busy working n contactin up wif friends.. n mitting my darling (em which is nt tt much of days cox i m busy n cant reali stay out for dinner? i m sry!!)~~

haha.. cant rem when is de last time i update my last posting .. well .. orientation has been seriously bored on me.. been dozing off n staring into space most of the time unless tt lect is impt..

well on fri.. finally a mit up wif my friends.. its been more den a wk since i last seen them .. n i guess i lost out alot of ting haha.. its alway great catching up wif ur friends.. esp ur best one n close one... i realli enjoy my day though i spend darn alot of money.. esp my cab fare hm which cost me 20buck.. dinner for 11buck n drink for 10buck..

first, we went to soup spoon for our dinner at ard 6pm.. sry guy i was de lastest! cox tt lecturer end her lect late .. till 45o.. even de air con was shut off.. damn it.. haha..

n den we went to a place call AIDs cafe? or duno wad cafe.. duno i got rem correctly nt.. its a super nice place n i like it.. so we was thr drinking.. n taking photo!!..

n below was me tryin darn hard to force cf to take a photo wif me WHICH HE SERIOUSLY REJECT ME.. aww breaking my heart haha.. hump*.. one day i m gonna take ur face.. I DUN CARE..

n below was us 4 girls bcox tt guy is reluctant to take photo wif us.. guess he tink tt we r too ugly.. wahahha.. *jus kiddin..

awww n i realli miss them.. when wil we b mitting again? ..

n yest.. sat.. firstly i hav to say sry to my darling.. sry!!.. cox keep changing plan.. n everyting so mess up..

first went to work till 1215.. den mit up wif derrick to eat lunch n slack at novena n KK hospital.. cox we gt nth to do.. waiting for the time 330 to come cox mitting fad they all visit siti.. n seriously it bored me out..

finally 330 come n evon bf come along too.. haha.. he is darn tall 188.. n derrick look darn short beside him i was laughin like hell can.. hes a nice guy haha though i jus c him 3 tmes onli.. quite friendly la.. MOST IMPTLY TALL N HANDSOME.. evon.. GD TASTE!..

n thr we go visiting siti.. omg her baby soooo super cute.. but i dun dare to carry him much cox i sick... n his immunity is low.. hee shall post his photo next time .. lazy upload nw.. N SITI DAUGHTER WAS BULLYING ME.. which is as usual.. she alway bully me when she c me.. haha surprise she still rem me..

den at night went to rico chalet.. intially is yoyo von me derrick n jingyi.. den yoyo n von din make it.. so psycho wei he n wee kiat come.. haha.. ok i admit his chalet is quite pathetic cox i c no much ppl thr.. even when i was bout to leave when its 10pm .. mayb the rest comin ltr? i hope so.. its jus so sad cing a bday party like tt.. n its like nt much ppl singing bday song for him .. haha..

n its darn pathetic can.. onli me wk wh n derrick wan to zhen him.. so we tryin our very hard to smash our cake on him cox he keep running away.. n tt co step on my slipper n i fall damn hard on the metal drain.. its pain!!!... nw my knee cap got lines haha.. n wh was so kan jiong tt i fall.. keep askin me ok nt or did i sprain my leg.. waaa first time c him kan jiong sia..

i din sprain my leg jus tt my knee cap damn pain.. AWW I DUN DARE TO BATH .. sniff.. I HATE METAL DRAIN NOW..

ppl feeling troubled n moody.. as alway .. ting cant alway stay under ur control hai.. jus like to me too..

alot of tots alot of feeling..

n one ting to say is love can realli freak one out.. no matter hw i jus wan it to turn out peacefully.. n to others.. its even worst i guess..

its alway trouble to b in btw ting (well nt saying bout myself).. de feeling sux.. when u duno which to choose.. n when u cant even control ur feeling.. n de worst is tt.. u feel like choosing tis path..but u noe ur choice will have the worst result of all..

haii hw i wish all my friends can have a peaceful life.. including myself.. i m feelin dead tired nw...

2009-04-21T07:52:00.000-07:00

2nd day of orientation!!..

n can u guess wad? i start work ay 8am in the morning n i m dozing off in class at 8+ am!!.. can u imagine hw boring is those lecture? i can jus doze off when i jus start work haha.. the 1st time sia.. i muz b damn bored.. n i decided to go ka jiao derrick which keep me awake for tt erm less den an hr? .. so the following one.. when i was bout to doze off again.. i go ka jiao my friend.. poking here here n thr.. wahahha.. was too high.. jus to nt make myself slp...

i m nt tt tired cox i slp at 10 yest!.. hai..

n once again!!..

MY BUTT REALLI HURT..!! IT HAVE BEEN SUFFERING FOR 2 DAYS.. N BOUT 1 MORE WK TO GO.. cox on alt day i will b gg bk my ward starting next wk...

hmm.. wondering which ward will i go to? haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

i m realli tryin hard nt to tink n nt to care.. but everytime when i do tt.. tings jus make me break down.. i m feeling lost.. realli lost... alot ting keep recurring in my head haii.. i guess its time tt i shld jus concentrate on my work when my orientation end..

oh darn.. i m missing my friend... sniff i came online to find them.. N NONE IS ONLINE.. NT EVEN GUAN N VON.. whr u all go~~ the time nw is 11pm. hw come no one is here?? awww.. i wan tai tai life...

n once again.. MY BUTT HURTS.. CAN U IMAGINE U SITING ON A CHAIR TT IS THE SAME HARDNESS AS A TABLE FOR MORE DEN 6 HR WITHOUT STANDING UP..!! i guess sooner or ltr i will develop pressure ulcer!!!..

sniff.. buttt... plz grow more fats so it wun hurt~~

2009-04-20T06:21:00.000-07:00

cheryl 2nd posting for today..

MY LIFE IS BEING TURN UPSIDE DOWN BY U 2.. SPARE ME PLZ.. I BEG U ALL.. I M REALLI TIRED.. MENTALLY N PHSYCALLY..

BREAKING DOWN SOON~

i hope someone is here for me to talk to.. but thrs no one.. no 1 is online .. i m realli feeling worn out .. i m tired..

i guess i shld jus go n slp then ..

*cryin*...

2009-04-20T03:23:00.000-07:00

first day of work.. orientation = tiredness for me.. n my butt hurts okie..

sitting on a damn hard chair.. listening to boring lectures.. which i m tryin freaking hard nt to doze off.. by stuffing myself wif sweet.. but eventually when its near the end of the day i knock off.. i guess i slp wif my head on the table for nearly half an hr.. n dozing off wif my head up.. haha..

tt stupid damn chair make my butt so pain.. cant it jus fix some cushion? my butt hurts!!.. tmr another day of suffering for my butt okie..

awwww.. i missin my tai tai life alr... von n guan n jl still having their tai tai life.. haiii...

my headache is bk again.. n its killing me.. hai i m alway havin headache..

tmr i shall bring tons of food n tibits to eat..

to keep myself awake.. yawn~~

my butt~~~~~~~~~~

slp at 1+ yest wake up 5+. cox return bk hm late from funeral. haii.. may u rest in peace..

n tonight i shall go slp freaking early.. yawn~~~

..u 2 wan hate each other jus go ahead.. i m realli sick n tired of u.. stand in my shoes to tink.. wad will ur feeling be like? .. i m tired.. of.. everyting..

once again.. MY BUTT~~~~

2009-04-18T18:23:00.000-07:00

waking up.. nt feeling reali gd.. ppl having mon blues.. i hav sun n mon blues..

been tinking alot for the past 2 days.. ting tt cant b say if i say it out.. trouble is gg to start again.. feeling jumble up..

alot of question poping up in my mind..

nightmare yest.. make me waking up on n off.. coughin like hell in the night.. i m soo tired.. nt gettin enough slp...

n today.. gg funeral .. n cfm till late night i guess.. tmr gg chu ping.. i jus dun like tt place..

n tmr .. work days start.. hai starting to feel stress n scared over it.. i pray tt i could go to a ward tt is nice.. n works = no mj.. no tai tai life.. no mitting of friends as often .. sniff.. i dun like the feeling of havin no contact wif friends.. n of cox ... work= tired to death.. n a bad temper cheryl..

feeling so lost n scared today .. jus feel like crying...

y so many trouble n tings comin .. haiii..

nvm tink of someting gd.. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... cant tink of any.. haiiii...

guess today .. i jus wan to b left alone... nt being contactable.. nt gg MIA.. haha dun worry jus wan to b alone for today..

ltr b4 gg funeral.. ask papa fetch me go buy all those ting neccessary for tmr..

2009-04-17T18:03:00.000-07:00

jus to make a correction .. the one whu pass away was my dad bro wife haha. cox i dun reali noe whu.. my dad hardly tell me his pass..

hai .. i m nw coughing like hell.. flu gg gone.. but coughin like hell now.. omg

n yest i was out precisely the whole day.. din even get to rest haha..

went to SGH at 11... till ard 12+.. den mit jia at 1.. den went hm .. reach hm 715.. sit at hm till 830 go out.. to the funeral..which i turn out to be quite sad when i arrive thr.. i dun like it thr at all .. stay thr till 1045.. come hm 11+.. bath n then.. knock out.. haiii....

n guess wad.. i bump into jx poly freind AT THE FUNERAL.. isnt the world so small tt i could bump into ppl even at funeral? haha he is my relative de friend.. dots...

sometime.. i m jus asking myself whether m i happy now..? ya.. i m happy wif hw my life is now.. happy to have my darling n alll my friends.. esp my friends.. cox i feel tt our bond is becomin stronger.. perhap we were alway ard to solve each other prob.. n help each other out.. but right deep inside my heart.. tt very little space.. i m realli nt happy.. prob rises more n more.. tings change.. conflict exist..

sometime hw i wish i could realli hav the power to turn bk time.. jus to avoid those unhappiness i m having now..

gg out soon to sentosa wif derrick.. my last day of havin n enjoy fun .. cox tmr i will b bk to tt sad place .. chu ping on mon haii.. hope i enjoy today

2009-04-16T06:27:00.000-07:00

my 3rd posting..

hw i wish i could hav the power to turn back time.. turn bk to the time whr i m happy.. whr i hav no worries..

n whr.. ting wun happen like wad it happen now..

i jus wish it .. so tt i can realli live my life in peace.. with nth to worry..

2009-04-16T05:01:00.000-07:00

cheryl 2nd posting for the day..

oh gosh.. my fever is bk.. hate it.. its on n off.. whenever i feel my head is bursting means its back..

hai.. tis mth or i should say recently..life has been bad for me..

1st.. is tis girl whu i dun even noe whu pop out frm nowhr.. ruining my life.. n distrub my friend.. leaving them ma jiam like enemy now..

2nd .. alot of my friend become sooooooooo emo.. cox of tings tt happen..

3rd.. tt 2 enemy become worst.. can say .. cox of me..

4th.. sick like hell wif fever on n off.. wif a headache tt i bursting..

5th.. today.. i jus noe 1 of my relative .. can say in another way is my "popo" ba.. haiii.. intially is gt news tt she is admitted to hospital.. den wanna go visit her..cox the doc say she might nt survive tis 2 day.. den .. my dad call to ask the ward.. n my aunt say.. my "popo" insist on gg hm .. n jus when she reach hm.. tt very moment .. she pass away.. haiz.. i still wanna c her for tt last sight.. but cant...

hmm.. live can come n go like tt.. i jus rem chinese new yr she was still talkin to us happily.. n jus 2mth.. thr she go..

so weird.. though i nt tt close wif her.. i feel kinda sad.. maybe is cox hw she treat me everytime i c her ba.. haha..

anyway.. may u rest in peace..

omg.. my head is realli bursting.. haiiii

2009-04-15T18:15:00.000-07:00

awww... jus wake up n cheryl is sick like hell.. her stupid nose block sudd in the nite.. making her cant slp well.. keep waking up in the middle of the night.. haha n nw her voice become more sexier.. cox she gg to hav no sound soon!!!.. muz use quite hard to project my voice den got voice come out.. tink better dun tak for today unless neccessary..

argz. jus hate it.. haha i like got tis jinx .. last time is whenever i start attachment .. the wk b4 or de day b4 i confirm chop chop get sick.. be it a flu.. cough.. or even gastric.. c nw is a wk b4 de work i get sick.. jinx... shoot go away*..

i jus wanna say.. thanks for being such a darling.. i noe u r giving in alot jus to make me feel better.. be it is it totally ur fault or nt.. i noe u r trying to make tings go better jus to make me feel better.. but no matter hw u try to make thing better.. i noe it wun b.. perhap for the time being.. starting work soon le.. haha i noe my temper will b comin back.. but i will control (provide if i can).. i jus find it hard to control haha.. ..L*** **.. =)

n tmr .. mitting my dar >.< .. n i m wondering.. will i get PS? haha.. opps hope my dar wun drop by here.. haha..

work next wk.. stress* starting to feel scared bout tt.. cox ppl expect more from u now rather den u were a student..

n i hav alr make my plan.. i shall leave my dinner to my darling n all my friendssss (tt r close to me).. haha.. tts de onli time whr i m free to mit them ... work work work...

2009-04-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

well guess its time for me update my blog again.. well as said.. will upload photo.. here is my gong 22th bday.. lao le.. n so celeb at her hse..

i wish i could say or bluff myself i hav enjoy tis celeb.. but i couldnt.. can u imagine i jus hid in jl rm to slp in order nt to c ting i dun wan ? ..

n the follow is my po 21th bday!!!... went to her chalet on sat night.. haha.. got alot of food!.. as usual .. i wish i could said i enjoy.. but well at least i enjoy more den in jl hse.. cox.. i stick wif my girlz.. haha.. HAPPY BDAY po!!!.. de following is the photos...

n after tt we went drinking at eski bar!!~~.. n lan too.. n after tt i was dead.. haha..

n sun was day to johor wif my family.. feel so dead cox i jus slp for an hr de prev night.. n onli bought myself a pair of heels...

n on mon.. mit up wif my poly friend for dinnr den derrick.. haha.. within 5 hr mit 2 grp of ppl..

tues went von hse mj..

today mit taigong.. wahaha..

busy me as usal..

awww.. feeling sick.. hai..

hw i wish ting could settle n let me live in peace.. but i noe it wun.. maybe i should listen to von.. i cant help ppl 100%.. n therefore i should leave ting alone.. hmmm...

2009-04-10T18:04:00.000-07:00

hurhur.. let me update bout wad happen for the past few days.. mitting wif lots of ppl...

first is wed!!!.. mit up wif jinhong chun n guan.. hee hee.. as usual the 4 of us.. .went to sim lim to settle chun ting n take tt lao de cheque.. eeeee... take pay also din treat us de.. haha jus kidding.. den went to watch movie at the new shopping centre at bugis.. which was said by chun.. it was an indian movie.. hahahahahahaha... damn cute can.. den go play pool.. n eat bakute...(duno hw to spell) .. haha.. den go buy my bag.. n thr we go hm.. it was alway so fun mitting them >.< ... noe we onli work wif each other for less den 3 mth? n surprisely we can b such a gd friend~!!!

den on thurs.. went to von hse to bake cake.. nth to do so jus go learn skill lo.. okie i noe i m retard in cooking also.. haha.. stiffing (is tis the correct spelling) the flour for 2 cake.. make my hand tremble.. n tt wicked von was laughing at my trembeling hand.. cox tremble till too jia lat.. haha nvm i noe its funny myself tooo.. cox i was laughing at my own hand.. haha spend total 14+ on tt cake.. which i tink i might as well go buy one!!.. haha but nvm .. i reall enjoy the baking process.. IT WAS FUN!!.. n nw i noe hw much hard work it take to bake tt cake.. alot ting lo.. dun c tt it is jus sooooo simple.. haha.. weeeee.. den we went town to bought tings wif von.. den after tt night at von hse again wif mao.. mitting kira.. oh well kira is still scared of her.. hmmm...

n went yest!!.. 10april.. MY GONG BDAY!!.. HAPPY 22TH BDAY GONG!! I LOVE EUUU SOOOO MUCHHHH!! MUACKS.. n these r the ppl whu turn up.. me guan jl von derrick n jx.. well our intial plan was ruin.. cox of tt stupid rain.. cant go east coast.. so stay at jialing hse play mj.. haha wad a "gd" celeb for her.. well it wasnt realli enjoyable for me though.. whoever i talk to.. de other will b unhappy.. so i guess today i will jus act mute.. zip*.. n night was pool .. sry guy nid leave early.. muz b hm lastest at 11.. i m de 11 cinderella .. hurhur.. n then guess wad.. i realli open my hse door at 11 sharp!..cox i went to buy mcdonald to eat.. haha .. i wasnt late for hm!

n today .. will b yoyo chalet.. i wonder hw will it b like though... shall update when i m bk..

well.. i noe ppl tink tt ting is too fast.. n i noe it myself.. i tink of all the consquences for making my decision.. n say truely i miss out this one!.. if ppl were to noe wad i mean..cox i din expect this.. if tings wun happen tis way rd.. i guess i will b happier.. cox i feel like i was more like a substitute.. *nt to dumb*.. duno hw to phase.. jus dun wan it b too obvious..

i noe .. nt gd.. responsible.. tell lies.. nt serious.. but i din regret.. at least nt for nw.. cox future.. whu noe history might repet on me again.. at least.. tink for behalf of me..

i realli jus wanna leave a happy life.. nvm anyway its gg to work soon.. stress.. i noe i might nt b able to take tt stress.. n i can cfm my character will change again.. busy working soon~~~~~

2009-04-07T18:06:00.000-07:00

有句话说。。爱情会让人重婚了头。。哈哈。。我发现还真的是。。

确定以做。。我没有后悔。。最起码。。现在没有。。以后就不知道。。哈哈。。

n thanks for being so sweet.. >.< .. but seriously i dun tink i can eat finsh tt tons.. :(:(

2009-04-06T07:53:00.000-07:00

well .. alot ting happen recently.. n i hope tings r getting better.. n u r feeling better..

well mit up wif 3 diff grp of ppl ...

mit von frm 11+ to 2.. den mit for poly friend frm 2 to 6+.. den mit derrick frm 7 to 10+ cox he send me hm. haha

weee...

shopping wif von.. buffet lunch wif poly friend.. den mit derrick for dinner but onli he eat cox i damn full ..

hmm..

love can b blind.. love can giv u happiness for tis min.. it can even make u fly to the heaven .. but rem when tings happen .. friends r the one whu will alway b thr for u... which one to realli trust realli depend on u... rem tt u r nt alone.. anyting jus come find me ^^.. i dun like to c my friend upset de.. although u did treat me bad in the past.. but i hav alr learn to forgiv.. hee.. but still i tik i nid some time to trust ppl.. take care ya!

cheryl gettin slpy.. time to slp soon~!!

2009-04-05T04:20:00.000-07:00

guess this few days cheryl is realli breaking down.. so many many tings happening..

well.. whu r u.. wad kind of girl r u.. ? i duno.. n i dun wish to noe.. cox i dun even noe u.. n dun even wanna noe u..

well .. if i m realli so incorrect in my tinking.. sry then ..

but 1 ting to say.. girls can b scary when they r realli up to no gd..

dun hav to care about my tinking.. cox it doesnt affect her at all.. i dun even noe her.. i onli care bout the 2 of ur friendship...

cheryl is feeling piss n upset at the same time.. but its realli weird tt i m feeling more upset.. cing my friend like tis.. haha.. 6 yrs of friendship.. doesnt even compare to jus nt even a yr of friendship.. whu to trust n whu nt to .. depend on u..

ppl thoughts n tinking can influence their emotion.. their attitude or even impression.. towards someone.. it realli depend u wan to look tings at wad view..

for me.. i can choose nt to b friend wif u.. after all those ting tt u done to me.. though some might b my fault.. but i choose to nt tink in tt way.. i choose to still accept u as a friend.. i choose nt to blame...

if one day both of u wanna quarrel jus go ahead.. i wun care anymore.. cox no matter hw u 2 quarrel.. i m still both of ur friend..

well let me update wad is this 2 days.. yest mit up wif derrick in the beginning den my poly friend.. well .. kind of enjoyin i guess.. crapping wif my friends as usual.. .

n today.. bring mao mao to vet in the morning for her annual jab!.. haha.. she weight 6. someting kg ok.. so she is nt tt heavy lo still.. n i m so glad tt my darling is so brave!! she like majiam nth happen.. when de vet jab her.. clap for my darling*****... den went to buy shoes n toothbrush n paste for her.. guess wad.. jus 1 morning i spend 110 on her.. haii broke in process...

den went town wif my parent shop shop!!.. wahahha..

my decision r make.. even though i noe ppl r nt supportive.. n ppl r tryin to get into the way. but i jus duno y .. i dun even gana affected by it.. nt a single little bit.. tink for wks.. n finally i came to my decsion.. i jus duno y i m nt affected when ppl is getting into my way.. perhap i c changes in him.. if wad he told me is real.. it still hard for me to put 100% trust in any1..

girlsss (jvg..haha short cut).. above mention is nt u all haha.. so dun misunderstand me ..

hmm.. plz dun make me break down anymore.. cox i m feeling kinda stress.. i reali dunwan my illness to come bk.. i duno hw long i can still take it.. work is comin soon too haiii...

if i can make a wish.. no mater hw many wish i can make.. i onli wan to live a happy life... with nth to trouble.. nth to worry.. laughin wif all my friends.. being tgt wif them.. n i realli hate to b in btw.. i seriously jus wan a happy life.. but seem like happy is alway sooo far away frm me.. whenever one ting is solve.. another ting come..

2009-04-04T09:59:00.000-07:00

jus wad kind of girls r u..

although my feeling previously told me tt u r nt a simple girl.. i told myself.. its jus my tinking.. n i shouldnt assume my tinking r correct..

but all tis ting tt is happening now.. TOLD ME TT U R REALI NT A SIMPLE GIRL..

JUS WTH U WAN FROM ME.. I DUN EVEN NOE U AT ALL.. YA.. HARMING MY FRIEND.. HARMING PPL FRIENDSHIP COX OF U .. HAPPY?

I DUN EVEN NOE U.. SO STOP INTERFERING MY LIFE..

JUS WAD U WAN FROM ME.. OR EVEN MY FRIEND.. CAUSE THEM TO TINK THE OTHER WAY ROUND.. CAUSING THEM TO TINK IN A WAY WAD U WAN .. HARMING PL FRIENDSHIP.. HAPPY ENOUGH CING TINGS LIKE TT?

STOP INTERFERING MY LIFE.. COX I REALLI SERIOUSLY DUNO U.. N DUN WANNA NOE U AT ALL!

cheryl jus hope tings is better.. perhap its better when ting is claify..

women r jus nasty animal.. some i suppose..

i m breaking down i guess. cox of too many ting happening.. worryin for ppl.. helping ppl solve ting.. cing freinds like tt.. being in btw of friends.. well.. i m tired.. reali tired..

plz clarify ting among urself..

2009-04-03T17:22:00.001-07:00

wahaha.. cheryl manage to stay at hm yest without feeling bored at all .. u noe y? cox i m living a pig style.. eat n slp .. eat n slp.. wahaha.. den wif one blink .. 1 day gone.. n guess wad.. i slp for nearly 4hrs for my nap.. making me wake up damn early tis morning 6+ wahahahhaa.. whu ask me slp so much.. next time muz limit..

went to semb beach wif jx n mao last night.. stupid dog.. dash n cry when she c her.. I M UR OWNER!!.. haha.. nvm since u long long time c him one time.. i giv in to u.. stupid dog.. well.. duno y.. i've been feeding mosquitoe this few days.. argz itchy nehhh.. haha muz b de ppl i go wif .. dun hav sweet blood.. hurhurhur...

well.. to me.. i tink tt the girl isnt simple afterall.. well.. at least from those little ting i knew .. make me tink of tt.. her action doesnt match her words.. isnt it? well as an outsider .. cing ting as an outsider.. i feel tings tis way.. is she happy to c ppl friendship affected by her? or she duno wad she is doin? .. or she purposely make tings goes tis way?

well.. i dun even noe her.. n assuming tings isnt right.. so .. i wun say my tinking r real n truth n r correct.. tts jus part of my tinking... n guessing..

as the actual person.. u urself noe more tings.. so tink through her action.. her words.. n dun let my tinkin affect u.. cox i duno wad kind of person she is... is she realli trustable? or she is doing ting wif intention? hmmm...

haha perhap ur character is little tiny slightly better..? hope sooo...

nah.. i m nt emoing haha.. jus sayin out my view..

yawn~~...

mao~~ UR SCRATCHES IS PAIN.. ESP WHEN I BATH..

but nvm .. she is still my darling~~~~~

2009-04-03T07:18:00.000-07:00

hai sooo many tings is happening nwaday..

hmm..

n thr r someting tt i jus dun wish to talk bout cox i feel uncomfortable n weird talkin bout certain topic... tats y i choose to keep quiet.. nt i dun trust u k? =) ..

friends r realli impt .. cox they r the one tt stay wif u n be thr for u when tings happen.. but sometime misunderstanding do happen btw friend.. or perhap ur tinkin may affect ur impression of someone.. hws tings will become depend on hw u tink..

nah i m nt emo.. jus telling someone tis wahahaha..

choose to blieve ur friend.. rather than dun.. haha..

ouch.. mao scratch is realli pain.. sniff.. find one day i shall cut ur paws away!.. kiddin de la

2009-04-02T18:42:00.000-07:00

cheryl break down last night.. its been long since she broke down..

haha guess she is jus feeling scared.. she duno y... she reali dun love him anymore haha.. she din miss him at all.. din tink of him at all.. din even tink of those happy moment.. but somehw jus feel scared.. cox tot of wad happen in the past.. the ting was said to me tt was hurting me .. but nw i m better.. i jus hav sudd attack like tt haha.. so can dun care bout me.. cry le will b better.. eye swollen nw..

haha tink i m realli feeling unstable cox of all the tings tt is happening.. i care too much of hw ppl tink i guess.. i jus dun wan my illness to come bk .. i m happy enough to hav all ting go in peace..

trouble comin in one by one..haiiiii...

i jus wan spend my rest 2wk plus of holi without trouble.. can i? plz.. for heaven sake..

2009-04-02T04:59:00.000-07:00

cheryl's 2nd posting for the day..

bk frm cuttin her hair at von's mum place.. wif guan n jl .. hmmm.. n den went to slack at long john to eat n after tt jl went off.. me n guan go play swing.. haii.. eat full full swing make me nearly vomit haha.. n i wonder hw guan swing so high.. n i cant even hmmm...

sudd feel scared jus nw.. i m scared nt cox i feel insecurity.. i jus sudd tink of the past.. hai.. n being in btw make me even trouble.. jus feel like crying.. i jus wan to live a happy life.. without trouble.. is tt so diff.. hai.. feeling scared n trouble.. duno y sudd will tink bout the past haha.. dou say i m quite unstable nw..

but luckily guan make me laugh wif her innocent? .. haha i jus cant stop laughing.. i shld find pic n teach her bio now..

hmmm...

cheryl wanna go sentosa.. n play the whole day.. play wif water.. cycle.. watch the muscial fountain.. go slack.. haha but tink hardly got chance le ba..

n cheryl decided to stay at hm tmr the whole day .. firstly .. she dun reali hav mood but she scared stayi at hm will make her tink even more n moody.. 2ndly cox she is realli tired.. yawn~~~

shall show my face to my parent for tmr ba

2009-04-01T18:37:00.000-07:00

hmm let me update bout wad happen yest.. guan von ji cf n me intend to play badminton yest.. n guess wad!.. intend go nyp den whu noe orientation.. din open!.. n my stupid card din allow me to even go in into the sport complex.. hump.. so fast kick me out of sch .. luckily bump into cf.. his card still can use.. haha but useless cant even play..

so go yck sport complex lo.. whu noe.. renovate!.. idiot.. hao bu renovate renovate tis time for wad.. haha den ended up no badminton to play.. n the weather like damn hot.. den go von hse lo.. slack n slack.. hmmm...

haha..

hai cheryl jus hate to b in btw of ppl.. do tis cannot.. do tt also cannot.. choose this way one nt happy .. choose the other way.. the other nt happy.. den .. jus dun giv ans la.. de best right.. haiiii...

i jus feel so stress up.. i hope tis nt gg to cause my stupid illness come bk.. cox i tink i m becomin more unstable again.. haiii..

anyway.. i hope my dear guan is okie!... smile smile darling.. grin* show ur big white teeth.. smileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D:D:D...

yawn i m still so damn tired.. yawn~~~

sian morning no one online.. ltr still nid acc jl cut hair.. tink sun bian i go cut ba... ask mama wan spon me nt.. bo $.. nid buy my damn slipper.. spoilt liao.. hee. still support emphasis brand wahaha... find one day go buy

byebyeeee~~~

2009-03-30T18:24:00.000-07:00

well.. bk to update!!

yest went to sentosa wif guan jialing n a guan friend's cf.. also name as pk!!.. wahahaha.. its nice knowing him.. he is someone easy to get along wif.. yup.. aww sad tt i cant get into water.. haha they enjoy so much... I WAN GO SENTOSA PLAY AGAIN.. hmm last time used to alway go wif jx haha.. nah i m nt emoing.. jus tt nw wan find someone acc me go also hard! hee.. thrfore i enjoy yest!!..

though the stupid rain keep comin on n off.. thanks to my dearest von mouth.. haha we been running in n out of shelter.. n after long we jus hack care n play in the rain.. wooooooooooooooo... hee.. din bring clothese onli bring bottom so i change my bottom cox sit on wet wet sand.. wahaha.. n i tink they got sick of me showing my pant inside my skirt.. haha all though is skirt.. so i say nope is a ku skirt.. n i lift my skirt n let them c even to guan friend!.. haha.. den they nw then -_________-" got shorts inside lo.. so nvm hehe..

so after tt von come n jl go off n we go eat char siew.. hmm i still prefer the KL one.. the one here nt tt nice n nt tt bad.. taste like normal char siew.. hee.. whu willing to drive me to KL to eat char siew? ..

den after tt went to a pub call crazy elephant to chill n drink.. haha i drink .. erm.. duno hw to spell.. den the pp ask me wan on the rock or wif mixture.. i tinkin on the rock better nt.. so.. put mixture n she say milk i say ok.. whu noe ended up I MAJIAM DRINKIN KU NI LO... hmmm.. waste money..

haha..

well.. hmm.. whether do or do not.. i guess.. its still depend on me wanting to step out haha.. cox of all de consquences i hav to consider .. yup.. n i m scared of the bad one..

wooolalalala~~.. gg buy pressie ltr..

2009-03-28T19:09:00.000-07:00

wahahaha.. today is sun.. wake up nt feeling gd though..

hmmm...

tings could be the same like the past.. its a matter of hw u gg to accept tings.. n hw u gg to look at tings.. we nv tink of leaving u beind.. but its jus a matter of hw long u nid to accept tings..

after all those tings tt happen for the past few mths.. though thrs time cheryl break down.. but she learnt nt to avoid n run aaway frm things..

it alway gd to learn to accept ting.. n forgiv things.. although it used to b hurtful..

n doggy.. above is nt refering to u.. haha..

well..

kinda weird.. i feel misses.. but thr still alot of tings in my mind.. i m scared of being too rely again...haha..

starting work soon.. n i m gettin emo soon.. cox i feel stress again.. hai work.. plz let me go to a ward whr the staff r gd..

my mao jus bite my bolt ear again.. HW DARE U BITE MY BOLT.. u bite my bolt again i bite ur ear.. roarrr*.. but i still love my mao.. she is soooo adorable!!~~~~

sian gg out wif parent ltr.. dun feel like gg rather go out wif friend..but still i hav to go.. cox.. my dad is nagging me tt i alway go out wif friend instead of them haha... n gg out wif them alway awhile nia.. haha.. guess goin IMM wif them.. so boring.. cfm b bk hm at 6+..

2009-03-28T07:14:00.000-07:00

Well back frm my class gathering which is super duper pathetic plz.. nice can say is class gathering.. haha.. cox onli 8 ppl turn up overall.. n 4 of them .. which is US... alway mit lo... dots.. if i noe earlier i will tink twice whether wan turn up nt haha.. i was so hoping to c them.. but turn up.. diaoooooooo..

well in the afternoon went to mit derrick awhile.. haha intially might b mitting jl they all.. but then my friend tell me the time after i went to slp.. haha.. soooooo slow... so went his hse watch saw 3.. ewwwww... but quite nice.. ^^... den online chat wif guan.. I HELP GUAN TO PINCH HIS FATS... i jus love pinching ppl fats.. opps...

so mit up wif my friend after tt for dinner.. pizza hut.. hha.. sian... YAO QI Y U DIN COME.. can entertain me ma... i miss ur entertaining... hahaz.. yao qi is my classmate whu i alway make fun of.. i jus love to ka jiao him.. sad tt he cant make it last min.. but nvm u said u gg to organise another one next wk wor... haha... better b!..

well.. feeling kinda moody nw.. alot of tings went through my head.. alot alot..

i was at the edges of stepping out.. nearly.. nearly.. but tings jus went through my head for tt few sec.. n i step bk again... i m scared.. i duno i can take it nt if i was to being hurt again.. i m so scared of being hurt again... cox tt prev one hurt me so much.. tt i realli find it hard to trust.. everyting tt a person say.. make me tink twice.. is tt wad u realli will do in future? .. will it be the same as hw tings was said it to me ..in future time?

nv used the words "alway" to me .. esp nv say "love u always" cox i realli dun blieve in this words.. nth is always.. u will nv noe wad will happen in the future.. i realli dun like this words.. nth is always.. unless it realli happen..

i m scared if i m to fall in love too much again.. i will be too rely on ppl.. n i realli dun wan.. cox the more rely i was.. the more hurt i will get if tings happen..

cheryl is feeling scared now.. cox she start to recall the past.. wad was done.. n those words tt was said to her.. hw hurtful it is.. she feel scared.. as she tink.. tears jus drip cox she is scared... she dun blame him.. nor love him anymore.. she jus wan everyting in peace..

its jus a matter of hw long.. n hw brave it is.. for me to step out of my phobia..

whether i love is one ting.. the most impt ting is.. hw much trust can i giv again? n hw? to overcome tt phobia in me...

2009-03-27T04:07:00.000-07:00

hmm.. today.. went swimming wif my poly friend.. long time din swim le.. haha.. n guess wad.. after i swim finish n went to bath.. hai.. n i realise i m damn suay.. guan noe it >.< ..

n after swimming went to take uni.. whu noe got 2 pair of shoe n 3 pair of uniform.. hee.. take 2 pant suit n 1 dress.. n carry like hell can .. haha still early so me fad n xiuling cab down to bugis to slack at JCO.. weee.. den take train hm.. omg i nearly die when i reach hm.. LUCKILY I DIN WENT TO MIT JL N GUAN AT EAST COAST...

tmr class gathering.. kinda lookin forward to it cox i miss my class mate.. haha din c them for more dne half a yr le.. cox attachment.. haha i miss yao esp.. i miss bullying him!!!!...

yawn.. feeling tired~~~

2009-03-26T05:14:00.000-07:00

today cheryl is feeling emo..

after so long.. her tears drip now again.. haha feeling scared all of a sudden.. i dun wan my illness to come bk..

stupid mother.. for wad hell sudd mention him sia.. ask me he got gf liao is it.. wad wad wad.. tink she noe it cox my sis tell her.. since u noe den stop asking la.. it make me so irritated.. cox tts is long ago the ting liao.. so jus stop asking..

duno she no brain or wad.. alway speak sensitive ting.. hai ... i dun love him anymore n i m happy wif my life nw.. i m happy wif the accompany of my friends.. so jus stop talkin n askin me bout his stuff.. he wif tt girl or nt .. it realli dun bother me.. cox i dun wanna care.. i m realli happy wif life nw..

cox of wad u mention.. make me tink of the past .. n i feel hurt.. i jus feel scared all of a sudd..

went to von hse today.. u all alway say me go out.. i dun even intend to go out.. but cox of my mum.. make me dun feel like stayin hm.. so thr i went.. n tt little moment wif them realli did make me laugh.. but tings return when i m alone..

haha.. like or dun like? does it matter nw? even if i like so wad ? cox i dun even dare to step out.. i m scared of being hurt.. i m scared the friendship will b worsen.. nt onli btw us.. but wif other friens among us.. i m scared tt my love isnt real..

i realli dun love him anymore.. so mum realli jus being so KPO.. i like my life this way nw.. n we r friends tt all okiee.. jus stop being so kpo.. n be more sensitive to ppl's feeling..

2009-03-25T07:56:00.000-07:00

weeee... bk from KL trip on mon!!~~ haha. quite fun though gt some conflict..

don over at von hse the night b4.. n hurray... CHERYL DIN SLP AT ALL THE WHOLE NIGHT.. n i survive throughout the next day..

1st day at KL.. went shopping at chinatown.. n one more place is it? i dun realli rem .. de tings thr was cheap n of cox its fake goods wahahahaha...

n 2nd day.. we went over to KLCC.. wahhaa.. went up to c the scenery.. nth much though but its beautiful.. n von bring us to go eat this char siew rice.. omg i m missing the char siew alr.. haha.. i wanna go eat >.< ... but guess.. no chance le ba.. den at night went to shop at this duno wad place.. alot tings shop wor.. n guan buy lots of tings i guess.. hee

3rd day.. went up to genting.. haha .. enjoy the cold weathet thr.. n sit the cable car.. ohhh i love cable car.. n at the same time.. i scared of it haha.. N OH YA WENT TO SIT FERRIES WHEEL.. n derrrick scared like hell can!!.. his action make me laugh like hell throughout the whole ride..haha.. n after returning bk frm genting.. went to sing karaoke.. haha damn cheap.. sing from 0000 to 0400... n got 1 hr bufffect.. wif free flow of drink wif jus 27+ RM.. haha but i tink i doze off..

n last day slp till late.. went toe at breakfast cum lunch n return bk to sing..

sniff sniff i m missing the trip.. i wan go oversea!!. next target.. taiwan or hongkong!!.. but muz wait till 1 yr after i start work haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...

hee n heres some random photo of our day in KL.. lazy upload alot.. haha

and for today.. went to eski bar wif xiuling.. fad.. zhiwei.. n jy.. wee.. i love tt place.. so nice.. their drinks is nice too.. omg.. i jus simply love the place.. a nice place to chill out though.. hee hee...

alright.. i m still piss bout tt incident.. although its jus a small matter but inside me i m still feeling piss off by it.. seriously speaking.. thr is no way a person could talk like tt when she din slp at all for the 1st night.. n slp less den 5 hr the other 3 days.. while she is out playin the whole day.. so either its my natural voice.. or either its my phone gt prob or urs... seriously u dun hav to call me.. i dun relali play a damn bout it.. i m realli piss off.. cox u realli got no rights to say me.. i m nt ur gf or whuever anymore i m jus a friend.. once again i wun admit tt tis time is my fault.. cox seriously i m nt purposely doin tt.. ya we r still friends.. n hw close.. it depends on hw u treat me.. jus stop sayin tings tt piss me off.. guess its better if wan chat.. chat in msn or through real live..

haiz.. cheryl is getting slpy.. she is precisely dozing off for the past 2 days.. cox she is still soooooo tired after her KL trip.. time to go slp le.. night ppl...~~~~

2009-03-18T07:21:00.000-07:00

wahahahaha.. cheryl has a fun fun day today!...

first went par toring wif guan.. chun n jinhong.. >.< ... haha.. sometime i jus find a miracle tt u can find such a close friend if jus 3 mth working tgt.. guess.. it take effort to make contact wif one another >.<

first.. went to play lan.. wad duno wad game forget le.. ok i admit i m a damn stupid idiot.. in game.. ok.. dun even noe hw to jump n control tt stupid movement or wadever.. but i guess we laugh all the way throughout the game.. cox me n guan r naturally cannot make it for tt game.. but i tink i m the worst. no.. is i m confirm the worst...

the went to play pool.. muahahaha.. den me n guan acc jinhong walk to sommerset den go lucky plaza change money.. den walk back to PS.. muahahaha.. r we very power!!.. yeah finally get to c guan friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

den mit up wif derrick n bump into von at PS.. haha.. so qiao... lalala~~. dun tink wai wai okie.. von.. den after me n derrick eat .. walk to UE square to collect his cheque.. den go clark quay slaCK.. WE WALK FRM PS TO THR OKIE!!.. muahahahha..

save alot of transpoer fare n walk alot today!! excercise n excercise... muahahaha.. n thanks to stupid bulldog.. scared the hell out of me two time can.. ITS SCARY OKIE!!!.. hump.. so scared i drop down.. ahhhhhhhhhh... muahahaha..

lalalalala...

tmr? go ah ma hse.. den its time to go to kl~~..

oh dear.. haven pack my bag... tmr morning den pack... hee.. ben lai say last night wan pack.. den say tonight wan pack.. den become tmr liao..

hee...

2009-03-17T02:58:00.000-07:00

jus bk frm mitting wif my attachment friend..

din really mit long cox i tink i got nth much to chat wif them.. mayb my character dun realli clique wif them? haha.. so thr i come hm early..

n my sweet attachment friend wear to hk n buy me a micky mouse watch haha..

weee...

feeling trouble trouble.. is my feeling still thr... hmmmm... hai duno la

sian .. gg to kl liao.. but then i nt tt excited muahahaha cox i lazy to pack bag liao...

lalala...

cant wait to c my bolt bolt doggy... thanks derrick!! >.<

2009-03-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

yawn..

cheryl had a fun but tiring day..

intially gg cycle wif my poly friend but RAIN!!.. hai so went to sing k box instead n i guess i m de one whu is holding the mike all along.. haha so weird they dun sing but wan go k box... haha

den mit up wif guan von jl n derrick to settle the insurance for our trip.. CANT WAIT TO GO.. but though feel kinda scary over thr muahahhaha...

yawn..~~

cheryl is jus scared to step one step out... cox she is afraid.. afraid of being hurt again... thr r times when she nearly.. but all the thoughts make her step bk..

she tot n tot.. tink n tink.. is my feeling realli real? guess it jus nid sometime to prove..

2009-03-15T07:28:00.000-07:00

*ah chu* sniff sniff.. guess cheryl goin b sick alr.. sniff sniff. yawn~~

haha cheryl 2nd posting for the day.. wahahaha

went shoping wif my parent n bought 1 pair of shoe n a shirt.. but pay by mama.. thanks hee..

den went to mit derrick for dinner..

idiot him.. keep tricking me .. i jus cant differntiate the pronounciation of cement n semen.. omg.. which is which.. this 2 word keep repeating in my mind.. n stupid derrick keep sayin the opp.. n make me pronunce SEMEN .. so loud in public can.. idiot u hump...

u go hm n fix the floor la.. hump.. since u hav SEMEN.. hump hump hump

opssie... hope he dun come here tonight if nt i tmrr kana ticklet like hell..

2009-03-14T17:13:00.000-07:00

ahh cheryl din slp well last night.. =(

she fall aslp at 10+.. wake up 1+.. ard 5 den slp back.. den 8+ wake up.. snifff sniff...

hai.. haha din slp well nt cox bad mood is cox i m TOO HUNGRY!!!~~.. but weird.. i wake up nt feeling hungry anymore..

still feeling trouble though.. cox of all the ting she has to worried.. hai.. but guess she shld leave everyting aside first n enjoy her trip for KL!!~~~...

she alr decide to go KL to eat n eat n eat.. till she grow fatfat.. cox she realli slim down alot.. CANNOT i nw onli 41kg lo.. somemore my height 163 nehh... haiii... my BMI onli 15+++ lo.. ehh but i duno de normal BMI hehe..

hai.. trouble.. wad should i do..?

which part is my real feeling? i m jus scared.. scared to get hurt again..

lalala~~.. 1 more mth + n i m gg to work!!!... duno i should look forward to it or dun look forward to it.. i like my job but i hate the stress... dealing wif a life n death.. hai.. n ppl expect u to noe everyting like u r a god.. i jus hate havin stress.. cox.. stress alway change me to another character.. n make me break down.. hmmm.. so should i look forward to job or dun? hai.. i dun wan my illness to b back...

oh n cheryl guess her illness is gone.. temporarily? haha thanks to her friendssssssssssssssssss... she noe they giv her alot of support.. thanks babe!!.. love u guyssssss soooo much...

yeah.. gg shopping wif my family ltr.. n mama say she will spon me money to buy tings.. yipee.. shopping n nt spending ur own money is reali someting tt make girls happy.. wahahhahahaha...

yawn~~~ slpy nehh O.O

2009-03-14T06:20:00.000-07:00

cheryl 2nd posting within half an hr haha..

guess she should go n slp now.. though its onli 920pm..

she feel suffering.. she dun wan to tink of ting anymore..

she feel her life is realli so messed up now.. she is scared she fail again this time..

go off n slp le.. night ppl..

2009-03-14T05:51:00.000-07:00

cheryl jus came hm from mitting up wif fad n xiuling..

not feeling kinda of good now.. n she feel herself quite useless.. everytime when she is very very piss off or pek chek.. she jus cry.. haha.. i guess i m useless..

haven had my dinner yet cox tot eatin wif someone n now its goin 9.. well guess nt eating le ba.. sot of lazy to find tings to eat at hm.. shld go n slp early tonight.. in case i m too hungry.. cox din eat much today.. morning eat curry puff.. afternoon eat half of the fried chicken.. n drink 1 chendol frm thai express n 1 drink frm TCC.. tts all my food for today...

after everyting tt happen today.. she decided maybe.. she should nt follow her feeling afterall.. she hope she wun fail this time.. n she told herself she must not fail.. she is realli nt feeling gd.. nt cox of piss off.. but someting else.. now she realli got a ans to her question mark..

she realli got the ans.. which make her decide.. its better to hav a close friend.. n she rather nt lose a friend ... this is her ans to her question mark.. which make her hav her decision now...

feeling suffer but she shld not follow her feeling.. she told herself she die also must nt fail.. clear ur mind offf now cheryl.. if nt u might lose a close friend if u follow ur heart...

well mit up wif fad n xiuling.. n went slacking ard.. at TCC.. intend to play pool but all full.. slack at tcc very long n watch fad eat her dinner? haha..

cheryl is crying.. but nt cox she is piss off.. she hope she can talk to someone .. perhap von? but she rather keep everyting to herself..

friends r realli impt..

2009-03-13T19:10:00.000-07:00

cheryl 2nd posting for the day!!..

hai first day of wanting to go against my feeling fail.. useless me..

well today went out wif guan de.. go IT show find lao de.. find till wan die lo.. den finally we make a call to him.. wahaha... n manage to find him.. many ppl tot i wan buy lappie.. keep disturb me.. ask me dun shy.. den i finally say no.. i lookin n waiting for ppl.. den they CHEY ME..hw can u all chey me so loud haha..

den acc lao de eat his dinner.. n help him buy fries.. lan ren lo.. hai

tinking of hw the girl treat jh.. make me realli bu shuang.. hw can u treat my friend like tt? i hate ppl to treat my friend like tt.. u r realli too much man.. sayin ting so guo fen... i feel like giving tt girl 2 tight slap.. haiiii...

lao de (jinhong) eatin his rice.. c hw nice the curry drumstick is..

wahahha..

n cheryl decide to ask guan n tai gong to play pool if i gana PS...

2009-03-13T09:10:00.000-07:00

oke cheryl tink through last night.. n she has decided... maybe she shld nt follow her feelings to go.. the percentage tt she is gg to follow her feeling is onli 15%.. bcox she tink tink through lots of ting...

perhap one of the reason is cox .. i find trusting real hard now?

i'm trying to let go everyting now.. all the feeling inside my heart.. i hav alr tink it through.. its better for me nt to..

feeling kinda down now..

well ltr gg IT show wif guan.. last min dun wan go SIM..

we go IT show is to find my dear jin hong.. haha.. lame right.. hope he is fine nw.. lao de.. dun b so sad.. tt girl isnt so gd afterall isnt she.. haha.. okok.. i say u r a gd guy.. cox tt girl is nt a gd girl.. haha.. girls tt r bad can alway find gd guy as their bf.. i jus duno y.. n girls whu r gd.. alway find a guy tt r nt tt gd.. this.. is my mindset..

cheryl alr decided tt.. if sat she realli gana ps by her poly friend.. either she gg find guan they all play mj.. or go find tai gong play pool... outing wif tai gong is nt tt bad afterall..

cheryl is realli angry now.. she hate ppl to lie to her.. n she rather ppl told her the truth.. haha.. n she wun trust promise..

being angry.. make my decision even stronger now.. i rather to suffer through wif my feelings..

haha.. tink guys r nt realli tt gd afterall.. ohh gt .. gt 1 gd one.. jinhong!!. girls.. anyone wan me intro?? hmm perhap i might join jl to become one hahhhaha..kiddin..

*fighting through wif my own feeling..*..
dun worry it gt nth to do wif jx..

feeling down n trouble..
shall find tings to let my feeling go away bit by bit..

2009-03-12T07:46:00.000-07:00

cheryl 3rd posting for the day..

manage to find an ans to my tinking..

2009-03-12T04:38:00.000-07:00

wahahaha.. back frm dating wif my tai gong..!!~~ 2nd time mitting him .. well.. i m so surprise tt we got alot of tings to chat.. cox its jus the 2 nd time cing him.. though the day is quit boring.. went to nokia n fix his hp.. den nid to wait till 530 to collect the hp.. so thr we loiter at suntec..

haha find a place to sit n eat.. so go long john n buy a meal to share.. c i so gd treat him eat lo... n lend him 100 buck as well.. hai i m broke.. c i so gd.. cox he gg no money eat den lend him wahahha.. anyway hav an enjoyable chit chat wif him though its boring.. n i find tt he is quite handsome.. jus too flirt wahaha.. so girlz i wun intro him to u all wahahaha... n we r planning 1 day to go play poollllllllllll..............

act.. cheryl is nt tt stupid at all.. she noe wad is gg on.. jus tt she is forcing herself to avoid it.. tryin to act dumb (if i din get the wrong idea haha).. she wanna follow her feeling for now.. but she duno whether the feeling now is true.. thr is alot of question.. alot of question mark inside her..

she is jus afraid.. afraid of hw tings might change if she were to follow... she is afraid of gettin hurt again..

she is tinking through all those ting when she is in the train bk hm.. n tears jus drip dwn.. she is totally lost.. she wanna follow her feeling .. but alot of tings jus pop up ..

hai .. love is giving me trouble..

guan.. u said i m so clever to noe hw u feeling btw u n _ _.. haha.. i can tell u all tat.. cox i m feeling it myself.. i m sayin it in an indirect form.. haha keep it to urself if u ever figure out wad i m tryin to say.. i will support u alway wif wadever decison u make =)

guess i nid some times to find all the ans to my question marks.. n to search for the real feeling within me..

yawn getting slpy.. when de hell tt MR C gg online.. yawn~~~~~~~c i so gd.. wait for u..

2009-03-11T18:35:00.000-07:00

hai.. wad a weird dream i hav yest..

I DREAM TT ALL MY TEETH DROP AGAIN!!~~

ahlamak 3rd or 4th time i have the same dream.. haha can anyone tell me wad this dream mean?

ahhh i noe le.. my dream is asking me to brush my teeth more often wahahahaha...

lame...

heh heh.. ltr mitting my tai gong go par tor.. lalala~~.. but i m feeling kinda weird man..

shall update whr we go today when i came bk tonight wahaha..

cheryl is savng up money.. cox she notice she has spend damn lots of money alr..

lalala~~

hai..

i m afraid tt tings tt i m afraid is gg to happen...~~~~~

2009-03-11T05:08:00.000-07:00

feeling confused...

haha.. cheryl is feeling confused now.. hmm.. haiiii..

lalala~~

today super bored can.. haiii

act mitting fad n xiuling to slack .. den my honey cramp.. cant come out >.< ... tio ps.. haiii

den act mitting dardar tmr for dinner.. tio ps.. haiiii.. haha...

2 days straight tio ps... haha

siannn

jl came my hse to play wif mao.. wahahahha.. den i go pray.. boring day right..

haiiii...

hurhur guess nw the onli one i love in my heart is mao mao.. she is jus a darling~~

welll.. ya guess everyting is my fault den. ya i m jus nt suit to b one..

woohooooo tmr mitting tai gong go out wahahahaha

2009-03-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

wahaha.. cheryl 2nd posting for today!!~~..

n cheryl had an enjoyable n fun day today!!!...

first.. she went pinic wif her poly friend.. wahahha.. n she ate macdonald!!.. kinda funny right? eat mac.. haha.. cox i craving for it.. wahaha.. though my friend gt buy food.. wahahaha... n we chit chat thr.. fun fun!!~~.. shld find one day go cycle.. lalala~~..

den went to mit derrick for movie.. bloody valentine!!! the movie make me rush like hell can.. so long din run so much.. i nearly out of breath when i reach cineleisure lo.. too long din exercise le haha shall find dar go swim when she free.. i miss swimming wif her.. haha n tt movie is nt tt gross lo.. but i jus hate the sound effect..

stupid derrick keep scaring me n dun let me cover my hear.. somemore we 2 hit the head.. PAIN LEI...

n now i noe y he dun wan let me intro girl..!! cox he like............................................................. haha u wan me help u say out.. MR C!!!

lalala~~

cheryl mssing her umbrealla alr.. haha shld mit jx to get bk my umbrealla next wk b4 i go KL.. n i hope it wun rain till i get bk my umbrella.. if nt i will b a wet pig.. oink~~~

2009-03-09T17:53:00.000-07:00

feeling trouble..

well.. hai.. my feeling is giving me trouble.. n i cant say out here.. cox sayin out here wll giv me more trouble.. so i shld control my feeling.. control control.. n let the real feeling kept inside my heart... tt will b the best one..

love..haiii.. haha dun worry i m nt emoing.. lalala~~.. realli nt.. i m in a happy stage nw lalala~~~

haha yest papa ask me " u wan to drive to amk?"
n i said "no i dun wan .. u drive"..
then my mama said " u dun wan drive.. den u go take liscence for wad.. waste money."
n i gave mama a best ans.." ya lo..i jus wan to waste money lo.. since papa ask me go take den i go la.. whu noe i will pass man"
n she got nth to say.. wahahaha...

if ppl noe me well shld noe the reason y i damn hate to drive.. yea babe!!.. i jus cant take tt tinkin off my mind.. is tt call phobia. nono shld nt b phobia.. is cheryl logic? haha i duno wad i talkin...

hai.. tinkin cant tings jus settle in peace.. i m nt the one avoiding... well.. hai...

gg pinic ltr looo... duno will rain nt.. lalala

yest slpless night again.. so sian lo.. slp at 1+ morning 7+ wake up c time sun bian sms MR C ask him wake up le ma.. den cant slp bk haha...

so wake up n bring my dog go walk.. my routine every morning = wake up..bring mao go walk..come bk online dne eat lunch.. haha

bolt bolt bolt~~~ ... hee...

lalalal~~